One Moment
by purplepagoda
Summary: Maura is scheduled to donate her kidney. When Jane oversleeps, she finds that Maura is at her doorstep. Can Jane get a distraught Maura to tell her what's going on? Will her secret turn Jane against her?**Total Crack Fic**
1. Doorstep

It's funny how a single moment in your life, can change everything. One decision, or lapse of judgment can drastically alter the course of your life. It only takes a split second, for all of your plans to change.

She knocks on a familiar door. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, she's not wearing any make up, and instead of a dress, she has on a pair of yoga pants, and a t-shirt. She waits a few seconds, but doesn't hear footsteps. She raises her fist, and knocks on the door again.

"I'm coming," the voice on the other side tells her.

Jane pulls the t-shirt on, over her head. She stops, and looks through the peephole. She finds a familiar face standing on the other side. She briefly checks the time on her phone. She silently curses herself, and unlatches the door. She pulls it open.

"Maura, I'm so sorry, I overslept."

Maura says nothing, she just enters the apartment. Jane closes the door behind her. She looks at her watch. Maura walks past her, not making eye contact. She takes a seat on the couch. Jane furrows her brow, in confusion. She walks across the room, and takes a seat on the coffee table. She looks at Maura, trying to gauge her expression. She taps her on the knee, as Maura stares off into space.

"Maura what are you doing here?"

Maura doesn't answer, she doesn't even make eye contact.

"Maura? What's going on? You were supposed to be in surgery right now."

"You didn't come to pick me up."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you miss your appointment."

"I went, without you."

"You couldn't go through with it?"

Maura looks up. She finally makes eye contact, but her facial expression doesn't change.

"That wasn't it," she answers.

Jane notices that Maura is still wearing an ID band. There is a band over her left antecubital.

"But you went. Do you want me to cut that band off? I have a pair of scissors."

Maura looks down. She stares at the band, "I didn't even realize it was still on there," she admits.

"Maura are you ok?"

Maura shrugs, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're supposed to be in surgery. You were going to donate a kidney today. Instead, you're here, in my living room, with this blank expression on your face."

"I don't know what to say."

"Tell me what's going on," Jane insists.

"I wouldn't know where to start."

"You went to the hospital?"

"Yes," Maura nods, in confirmation, still fixated on her ID band.

"And then?"

"I came here," Maura replies.

"I know that. What about in between the time you got to the hospital, and the time you got here."

Maura shrugs, "I don't know it was all a blur."

"Maura, what is wrong with you?"

"Nothing," she lies.

"Clearly there is something wrong with you. You look as if someone ran over your dog, or something."

"I don't have a dog," Maura responds, emotionlessly.

"Maura what happened? Did you change your mind?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"You're pretty shaken up. Just tell me what happened. Whatever it is, I am sure that it's not that bag."

Maura swallows hard, as if what she's about to say is too much to handle, "I am not a candidate."

"What?" Jane raises an eyebrow.

Maura looks at her, making eye contact once again, "I am not a candidate to donate my kidney," Maura clarifies.

"Why not? I thought that you were a match."

"I am."

"And that it was her best chance," Jane adds.

"It is."

"Then why aren't you a candidate?"

"This morning I went in at six thirty. I had to have lab work drawn, before the procedure."

"That is standard, isn't it?" Jane quizzes.

"Yes," Maura confirms, looking away.

"There was something on the lab work?" Jane infers.

"Yes," Maura confirms.

"Something that prevents you from donating a kidney?"

"Among other things," Maura nods.

"What?"

"Lots of things can prevent someone from donating a kidney. If hemoglobin, or hematocrit are too low, for example. Also, if their glomerular filtration rate isn't adequate. There are many different variables that can prevent someone from donating a kidney."

"What does that mean?"

"Often it means that the candidates kidney is not in good enough shape, to give to someone else."

"There is something wrong with your kidney, too?" Jane wonders.

"No, my kidneys are fine."

"They what's wrong?"

Maura continues on her explanation, despite Jane's question. "Another reason someone might not be able to donate an organ is if they have an infection, or a malignancy."

"You have an infection?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"Or a malignancy? You have cancer?"

"No. I don't."

"Maura you're starting to worry me. Instead of telling me all the reasons that someone might not be able to donate an organ, why don't you just tell me, why they won't let you."

"Ok," she agrees numbly.

"So?"

"I..." she pauses.

"You what? Maura are you sick?"

"No, I'm not sick."

"So you're not dying?"

"No."

"So, what is it, then?" Jane begs.


	2. Walking Away

Maura doesn't make eye contact, as she tries to come up with the right words to explain.

"Maura, you agreed to donate a kidney four weeks ago. Didn't you undergo testing, since then."

"Yes," Maura confirms.

"And they decided that you were an ideal candidate to donate your kidney?"

"Yes," she admits.

"What changed?"

"Everything," Maura replies, simply.

"Everything? I don't understand. Four weeks ago, you were all for it. Did you change your mind? You are just using a lab value as an excuse not to do it?"

"They will not allow me to donate my kidney."

"What's changed, in four weeks?"

"Three and a half," Maura corrects her, "I agreed three and a half weeks ago, when Tommy, TJ, and Frost were trapped in that parking garage."

"Yes, I know, I was there."

"It was three and a half," Maura reminds her.

"Ok, and?"

"And, now I cannot donate my kidney, even if I wanted to."

"Does Hope know?"

"I am certain that she does, now," Maura responds.

"You didn't tell her?"

"No," Maura shakes her head, on the verge of tears.

"Just talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

"I can't," the tears begin to well up in her eyes.

"You can tell me anything, I am your best friend."

"You wouldn't understand. I don't want you to be angry."

"Maura I'm not angry that you aren't going through with it. I didn't want to deal with Dr. Dumbass while you were gone, anyway. I didn't want to tell you that I thought it was a bad idea, but I did."

"You did?"

"Yeah," Jane admits.

"It doesn't matter now."

"Why not?"

"Her daughter is going to die, and it's going to be my fault," Maura replies, in guilt.

"No," Jane argues, "It's not your fault."

"I can't give her my kidney. Not now."

"Maybe in a couple of weeks, things will change, and you can."

A light bulb goes off in Maura's head. She looks at Jane, and sighs, making a decision. "No, nothing is going to change, in a couple of weeks."

"Maura, you're killing me. Can you just tell me why you can't donate your kidney?"

"No."

"No?"

"I shouldn't have come here. I should go."

"Go? You can't just leave, like that."

"Jane, I need some time to myself, to think."

"Think, about what?"

"I want to go for a run."

"Then I will go with you."

"Jane, I'm not... I can't."

"But..."

* * *

Maura gets up, and leaves the apartment. Jane doesn't follow after her. Instead, she pulls out her phone, and dials her mother.

"Hello?" Angela responds.

"Ma, can you call me, when Maura makes it home?"

"What do you mean call you, when Maura makes it home? Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital with her?"

"Something happened."

"What?"

"She changed her mind, I guess. Will you just call me, when she gets home?"

"Sure," she agrees.

"And don't badger her. She's upset."

"Ok."

"Bye," Jane hangs up.

Maura doesn't feel in the mood for a run, by the time that she reaches the sidewalk. Instead, she climbs into her car. She locks herself inside, and puts the key in the ignition. She turns the car on, and puts her seatbelt on. She pulls the car out of her parking spot, and just drives.

* * *

It's been fifteen minutes since Maura left, when Jane hears someone knocking on the door. She expects to find Maura. She pulls open the door, and finds her partner, standing on the other side.

"What are you doing here?" she asks.

"Can we talk?" he questions.

She nods. He steps into the apartment, and she closes the door. He takes a seat on the couch. She sits down next to him.

"What's going on?"

"About what I said..." he begins.

"Don't," she warns him.

"I am not here to apologize," he admits.

"What are you here for?"

"Because I need an answer," he reveals.

"An answer, to what?"

"I want to know why _you_ said what you said."

She shrugs, "I don't know. Does it matter."

He cocks his head to the side. "You know that it does."

"Can we just forget about that whole conversation?" she wonders.

"Is that what you want?"

"Frost I don't want things to be awkward between us."

"I would like that too."

"But?"

"How? How do you propose we do that?"

"I don't know."

"Jane, I _am_ sorry, that I made this weird. That was never my intention. I didn't mean to make our partnership any more difficult."

"Frost, you have seen me at a lot of bad times. I don't think that what you said could complicate things, that much."

"Really? So we're not going to talk about the elephant in the room?"

She shakes her head, "I am not ready to talk about the elephant in the room."

"You're wounds from Casey are still fresh," he points out.

"I don't know if I am ever going to be able to talk about the elephant in the room."

"So you want to just put it all behind us?"

"For now."

"No," shakes his head, "You don't mean that."

"What do I mean?" she raises an eyebrow.

"You mean that you don't want to talk about it, now, and you hope that if you avoid talking about it, that I will forget. You are hoping that I change my mind."

She doesn't say anything to him, in response.


	3. Half A Story

It's over an hour after her visit with Frost, that Angela calls to tell her that Maura has made it home. Jane speeds over to Maura's house. When she arrives she doesn't knock. She just goes in. She finds Maura sitting on the couch, watching the TV. Her eyes are glued to the home shopping network. Jane takes a seat on the couch, near her.

"Wow, whatever you learned must be pretty bad."

"What makes you say that?" Maura responds flatly.

"You went for the home shopping network, instead of internet shopping. It must be pretty bad. Just tell me."

"I can't."

"Maura," Jane says, softly, "It can't be that bad."

"Yes it can," she argues.

"What excludes you from being a candidate to donate a kidney?"

"People with serious diseases can't donate their kidney," Maura begins her ramble.

"What serious disease," Jane sighs, in defeat.

"Several. Blood borne pathogens, leading the list, of course."

"Of course," Jane nods, "For example?"

"HIV, or hepatitis."

"Do you have HIV, or hepatitis?"

Maura looks up at her. "No, of course not."

Jane notices the hollow look in Maura's eyes. She takes deep breath, and tries another approach.

"Is it a reason that is likely to kill you?" Jane queries.

Maura ponders for a moment, "Likely, no. Possible, yes."

"Is it a degenerative disease?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"Maura, just tell me. There is nothing so bad that you can't tell me."

"I don't know how to."

"Just spit it out," Jane begs.

"Did you know that in pregnancy a woman's blood volume increase by nearly fifty percent. The kidney is responsible for filtering fifty percent more blood."

"I just love all of your random facts, Maura. Can you just tell me why you can't donate your kidney?"

"I need two."

"We're all born with two. We should all keep two, at least that's what I think. Two is better than one."

"If you increase the workload of the kidney, by that much, you would..."

Jane finishes her sentence, "Need two. Why are you bringing this up?" she furrows her brow.

Maura falls silent, she looks away, unable to make eye contact.. Jane's eyes widen. She scrutinizes the look on Maura's face, searching for answers. Maura says nothing. She only wears a petrified look on her face.

"Are you bringing this up, because you might be pregnant, or is this just another random fact?"

"No," Maura responds, simply.

"No, you aren't pregnant?"

"I didn't say that."

"You might not be pregnant?"

"You either are, or you're not," Maura points out.

"So you are?"

Maura nods, silently.

"What?! You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just found out."

"When?" Jane queries.

"This morning."

"The labs?" Jane guesses.

"Yes."

"You look petrified," Jane points out.

"I am."

"It's going to be ok."

"No, it's not."

"What are you going to do?"

Maura shrugs. The wheels in Jane's head start turning. She fights the urge to fly off the handle. Instead, she hugs Maura.

"It's going to be ok," she promises.

"You don't know that," Maura argues.

"How far along are you?" Jane interrogates.

"I am only three weeks along."

"You can tell that early?"

"You can, with a blood test," Maura reveals.

"Who is the father?"

Maura shrugs.

"Is that shrug, because you don't know, or because you don't want to tell me?"

"Jane I don't know if I can do this."

"Who is the father?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does."

"Jane," Maura says, taking a stern tone, "It doesn't matter. It was a mistake, ok? Can we just move on? I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok," Jane nods, out of respect.

"Good."

"So, what are you going to do?" Jane begs the question.

"I guess that I am going to have a baby."

"You guess?"

"That is what you do, when you are uncertain."

Jane shakes her head, "You don't guess. You analyze, and theorize, and conclude."

"Not in that order," Maura points out.

"Why do you have any doubt?"

"I don't want to do this alone. I don't know if I can."

"Maura, you're not alone. My mother lives next door. If you have a baby, you'll never get rid of her."

"I don't know what to do."

"Maura you have wanted this for as long as I have known you."

"I'm not married."

"So?"

"The father isn't going to be in the picture."

"Maura do you want to have a child?"

"Of course," she admits.

"Then that is all you need to know."


	4. Secrets You Keep

"Are you going to tell..." Jane begins.

"No."

"No, not yet? Or, no, not at all?"

"Probably at all," she admits.

"Is it someone that I know?"

"Jane, I don't want to talk about this."

"Why are you so up in arms about it? I am your best friend. I'm happy for you. That isn't going to change if you tell me who it is."

She shakes her head, "I can't tell you."

"You can't? Why not?"

"Because I don't know who it is," she reveals.

"What do you mean you don't know who it is? You didn't ask his name, or..."

"I didn't say that."

"Then how could you not know who it is?"

"Can we talk about something else, please?"

"Like what?"

Maura shrugs, "I don't know. Anything but this. I am not ready to talk about this. I needed to tell someone. I told you, but I am not ready to discuss it."

"Fine," Jane huffs.

"Let's talk about you," Maura suggests.

"What about me?"

"Anything. Please just change the subject," Maura begs.

"Frost told me that he has a thing for me," Jane admits.

"Yeah, I know."

"You know? How do you know?"

"Jane, it is obvious. He has had feelings for you, for a long time," Maura tells her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jane raises an eyebrow.

"I thought that you knew."

"No, I didn't know."

"So what exactly did he tell you?"

"A bunch of stuff. Maura, he is in love with me."

"What makes you think that?"

"Hindsight is twenty, twenty."

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing. I am going to hope that it's a phase, and that it passes."

"Jane, I think that you really hurt him."

"Hurt him? What are you talking about? What would make you think that."

"Because he talked to me."

"When?"

"The other day."

"I told him that I don't feel like that about him. I told him that I think of him more as a little brother."

Maura nods, "Do you hear yourself? Can you imagine how that makes him feel?"

"Maura he is my partner," Jane reminds her.

"I know."

Jane exhales, "And I want it to stay that way."

Maura furrows her brow, "What are you saying to me, exactly?"

"I don't like change. He is my partner, and that is how I want it to stay, period."

"You know, you are kind of possessive of him."

"Maura, I can see that you're frustrated, with your situation, and with me. I think that it's best, if I just go."

"Ok," Maura nods.

* * *

Jane sits on her couch, watching basketball, in her pajamas. She turns off the TV, and just lies there on the couch. She tries to push away all of the thoughts that creep into her head. She fights to think about something, anything else. She tries to get what Maura's said to her, out of her thoughts. It proves futile.

_Did Maura have a point? What she trying to insinuate something? Barry is her partner. She likes having him as a partner. So, why was she trying to suggest that there is more to it? She had never seen Barry that way. She didn't feel the way about him, that he claimed to feel for her. Or did she?_

* * *

She sits in the kitchen, on a stool. She is parked in front of the island. She holds a warm cup of green tea, between her hands. She takes a deep breath, and begins talking to herself.

"What have I done? Jane is going to kill me, when she finds out. She is going to hate me."

She is so consumed in her thought that she doesn't hear the door close, or the footsteps that enter the room.

"For what?" a familiar voice asks.

Maura turns, and finds Angela standing behind her.

"How long have you been standing there?" Maura wonders.

"Long enough to hear you talking to yourself," Angela reveals.

"Oh," Maura's heart drops.

"What did you do?" Angela questions, in a soft tone, as she pulls up a seat, next to Maura.

"I made a mistake."

"You're human. We make lots of mistakes."

"I made a monumental mistake."

"Is there anything I can do, to fix it?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Is this about donating your kidney?"

"It isn't because of that," Maura answers.

"You can't donate your kidney, because of _it_?"

Maura nods, guiltily, looking into her half empty mug of tea.

"How far along are you?"

She stops breathing, for a second. She lifts her head, looking up, at the woman sitting next to you.

"I... um..." she stammers.

"It's too early for you to want to admit anything to me?"

"Three weeks," Maura replies.

"You didn't want me to know, did you?"

"No."

"You don't think that I can keep a secret."

"I never said that. Jane thinks that, and there is some evidence to support that."

"But?"

"I think that there are some secrets you have never told."

"You're right," Angela nods.


	5. Secrets You Tell

"So let me ask, why would Jane be mad at you? Did you tell her?"

"Of course," Maura nods.

"Why would she be angry at you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. You can tell me."

Maura shakes her head, doubtfully, "I don't think that I can."

"You're pregnant, by one of my sons?"

"I couldn't tell you," she replies.

"Can't, or won't?" Angela employs her interrogation techniques.

"I can't tell you. Angela, I don't know."

Angela furrows her brow, "What do you mean, you don't know? You can't remember, or..."

"I don't..."

The light bulb goes off, in Angela's head, "You can't tell me, because _you_ don't know. There is more than one possibility?"

"Yes," Maura says softly.

"That is ok."

"No, it's not. It is not ok. It isn't anywhere near ok. It isn't the least bit acceptable. I am not that kind of person."

"Maura, everyone has bad judgment, sometimes."

"Not like this."

"I married Jane's father," Angela points out.

"You didn't know..."

Angela places her hand over Maura's. She squeezes it. Maura notices the look in her eyes, as if she's on the verge of tears. "Yes I did. Before we were together, there were a lot of women in his life, and sometimes, more than one at a time."

"I am more like him, than I am like you."

"Maura don't do this to yourself."

"Did you love him?"

Angela looks away. There is a tense silence between them.

"If you didn't love him, why did you marry him? Did you feel obligated, because he asked?"

"Maura, times were different then. We didn't get married, because we wanted to."

"What do you mean?"

"Maura, we got married, because we had to."

"I don't understand."

"I was pregnant."

"With Jane?"

Angela swallows hard, "No," she shakes her head.

"You were married for, a year before you had Jane, weren't you?"

"Over a year," she nods.

"I..." Maura trails off, unsure of what to say next.

"We were married for a year and a half, before we had Jane. She was a happy accident."

"I am sorry that..."

"Don't be sorry. You didn't know."

"We don't have to talk about this."

"I have never told anyone about it. I mean, there were people who knew, but..."

"Jane doesn't know?"

"No. I waited to Frank as long as I could. I hid it, for a long time. I was five months along, when we got married. Everybody knew. Of course, no one talked about it. They still don't."

"What happened?"

"Macy was born four and a half months later."

"Macy?"

"My water broke, when I was in the middle of shopping, at Macy's. I was nervous. The first two nights we were home, I just sat in the rocking chair, in her room. I held her all night. On the third night, I was so exhausted. Frank, insisted that I go to bed, for a couple of hours. He sat in her room, in the rocking chair, and watched her sleep. He had his moments. I fell asleep, for maybe three hours. I woke up, and I knew there was something wrong. She was supposed to wake up, every two hours. When I went into her room, Frank was asleep in the rocking chair. I saw that she was asleep in her crib, and I sighed in relief. When I went to pick her up..." she swallows hard, "I kept waiting for her to open her eyes, and cry. I whispered her name, and I expected her to open her eyes, like she always did. She didn't. That's when I realized that she wasn't breathing, anymore."

Tears roll down Maura's cheeks. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

Angela sniffs, wiping away her own tears, on the sleeve of her shirt. "I think that's why I smother them with love. I don't ever want anything to happen to them. With Jane I was such a wreck, all of the time, for the first year. By the time Tommy came around, I knew that there were some things that were just out of my control."

"This was in my control. I hate myself for being such an idiot. Angela, I made some really poor choices."

"How many choices are there?"

"More than one. Which is too many."

"Obviously more than one. Are we talking two, or are we talking like, ten?"

"Not ten."

"So, two?"

Maura squirms.

"More than two? Maura, what happened? Did you go to a swingers party?" Angela jokes.

Maura shakes her head, "I had been seeing someone, for a while."

"I didn't know."

"We were keeping it quiet. Sometimes my private life, is private."

"I understand that."

"But sometimes, we say things, that we wish we could take back."

"What did he say?"

"It's not what he said, it's what I said."

"Oh?"

"After Jane talked to Casey, and told him that she didn't know if she could wait..."

"It sparked a conversation?" Angela guesses.

"I said I didn't know if..." Maura trails off.

"He was worth waiting for?" Angela guesses.

"The one. I said, that I didn't know if I _could_ wait, if we were in the same situation."

"I can imagine that didn't go over to well?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"So things ended?"

"We agreed it would be best, if we just took some time apart."

"That is never good," Angela points out.

"Obviously."

"How long were you together?"

"Six months."

"Wow, I didn't know."

"I was a mess. I wanted to apologize, but I just didn't know how. That made things even worse. I was distraught."

"Maura," she smiles, "I think that is called love sick."

"I wouldn't know. I had never felt that, before."

"He was the one?"


	6. Too Late To Apologize

"I can't fix it. I can't just apologize, and say I'm sorry, now. It's too late."

"You can."

"But it won't fix things. I'm pregnant."

"And it is possible that someone else is the baby's father?" Angela wonders.

"It's more than possible," Maura admits.

"Do you want me to tell you what to do, or do you just want me to sit back, and let you make your own choices?"

"That didn't work out very well, did it?"

"I will try to keep my opinions to myself, if you want me to butt out."

"Just tell me what to do," Maura begs.

"Tell the truth."

"I don't know if I can."

"You don't have to do it today. Three weeks is really early."

"Yes," Maura agrees.

"So give yourself some time, to come to terms with the fact, that you're pregnant."

"And that I don't know who the father is," Maura adds.

"No. Don't think about that. It is your baby, no matter who the father is. So, just deal with the fact that you're pregnant."

"And, then what?"

"Then, tell the truth. Be honest. Admit your mistakes."

"What if that doesn't work?"

"Then maybe it wasn't meant to work out, in the first place."

"How could anyone love me, if I am having someone else's baby?"

"First of all, you have to love you first," Angela preaches.

"Right now, I don't love me."

"Get over it. Secondly, every relationship has it's trials."

"I can't expect someone to be willing to stay in a relationship with me, if I am pregnant, with someone else."

"No, you can't. What is the worst that would happen if you tell the truth?"

* * *

She lies in her bed, wide awake. She stares at the alarm clock, on her nightstand. She stares at the big red numbers. It reminds her that it's late, and she should have been asleep hours ago. Their conversation just keeps playing, in her head.

_She opens her door, to find him standing in front of her. He wears a goofy smile on his face. She smiles, at him, in response to his dimples. She takes a step back, allowing him to come in. He carries a case of beer._

_"What are you doing here?" she asks._

_"I brought beer," he answers._

_"You know the way to my heart," she jokes._

_"I know a lot of things about you, Jane."_

_"Why did you bring me a six pack?"_

_"Have one," he suggests._

_She takes the beer, and places it on the coffee table. _

_"Why are you here? Clearly you have some ulterior motive. You don't just bring beer, to be nice."_

_"I just want to talk."_

_"About what?" she raises an eyebrow. _

_"Something that we should have talked about, a long time ago."_

_"And what would that be?"_

_"It's something I have been wanting to tell you, for a long time."_

_"You have come to the dark side, and you like my beer, now, too? You can admit that."_

_"I like a lot more than your beer."_

_She looks into his eyes, "Why do I get the feeling that you're coming on to me? Frost, why are you being so weird?"_

_"I have a thing for you."_

_"A thing for me? What in the Hell are you talking about?"_

_"I have feelings for you," he declares._

_"Feelings? You know that I hate feelings. The only feelings you can have about me, are if I get shot, or die," she tells him, defensively._

_"I love you," he blurts out._

_She stares at him, in complete shock. _

_"Say something," he begs._

_"I'm flattered? And, I am weirded out. Barry, I..."_

_"You don't feel the same?"_

_"No. I'm sorry."_

_He doesn't miss a beat. He steps forward. He plants his lips on hers. After a moment she pulls away._

_"What are you doing?"_

* * *

She sits in front of her computer, in her bed. She wears her pajamas, but she can't sleep. She stares at shoes, on the internet. She scrolls through, trying to find the perfect ones to ease her pain. Maybe the red ones would to the trick. Or, maybe the gold ones would get her mind off of the situation. Who was she kidding? A pair of shoes was not going to make her forget that she's pregnant, by... someone. Who? She couldn't be sure.

She is unable to keep her focus. Her mind veers towards the left, and takes a sharp turn at conversations she would like to forget. She sighs, and allows the memory to consume her.

* * *

_She's sitting on the couch, watching the game, contently, with her beau sitting next to her. The game goes to commercial. _

_"Can I ask you something?" Maura wonders._

_"Sure."_

_"If I was paralyzed..."_

_She's cut off, "Maura, if you were paralyzed it wouldn't matter. I know where this is going."_

_Maura continues, "Would you wait for me, if I told you that I had some serious..."_

_She is cut off, once again, "I would wait for you, until the end of time, and beyond."_

_"You can't wait beyond the end of time."_

_"That's what forever is, isn't it?"_

_"Yes," she nods._

_"That is how long I would wait. Maura, I love you. Would you wait for me? If I went to war, and you didn't know if, or when I would be coming home? Would you wait?"_

_Maura doesn't say anything. She swallows hard, "I would try."_

_"You would try? That isn't good enough. You either would, or you wouldn't."_

_"I don't know if I could," she admits. _


	7. Hope For a Kidney

The following night, Jane sits at her booth, at The Dirty Robber. She enjoys the solitude of her booth, until it is rudely interrupted. Frost slides in the booth, across the table from her.

"Are you stalking me, now?"

He rolls his eyes, "I can eat, too."

"Who said that I'm eating?"

"If you were just drinking you would sit at the bar."

"I am not sure why you're here."

"I'm hungry. It's a free country."

"You don't have to sit at my table."

"Jane, just stop."

"Me?"

"Let's just forget that I ever made an idiot out of myself, ok? Can we just be partners?" he questions.

"We can try," she agrees.

"I am sorry that I made things weird. That was never my intention."

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," she quotes.

"Would you have preferred that I kept quiet, and never told you?"

"Yeah, that would be easier."

"When have you ever been the one to take the path of least resistance?"

* * *

She stays at work, late. She remains focused on the case, in order to keep her mind off of other aspects of her life. She looks through the microscope, examining a piece of fiber. There is a knock on the window, that is in front of her. She looks up, and peels her gloves off. She finds a face, that she doesn't want to see, standing outside. She sighs, and waves her in.

Hope comes in, through autopsy's double doors. Maura folds her arms across her chest, expecting a confrontation.

"Are you ok?" is Hope's first question.

"Why are you here?" Maura furrows her brow.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you, yesterday, before you left the hospital."

"I'm sorry."

"Did you change your mind? Maura I would understand, if you did."

"If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't," Maura points out.

"I was wrong to ask you to do such a thing. I was selfish. You aren't here to be spare parts."

"It has nothing to do with that."

"Did something happen? Are you ok?"

"I am sorry, but I can't give away my kidney."

"I understand."

"I will help you find a donor, but... it isn't going to be me."

"I wish that you would reconsider."

"It isn't about what I want. Believe me, I would give her my kidney. I just can't."

"Can't, not won't?"

"I am not a suitable donor," Maura reveals.

"What do you mean?"

"Something came up, on one of the tests, that would prevent me from donating my kidney."

"But all of the other tests went so smoothly. What happened?"

"They missed something, I guess. I am really sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about. It was out of your control."

"Dr. Martin..." Maura begins.

"Hope," she corrects her.

Maura continues, "I do not think that it is a good idea, for us to maintain contact."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought that I could do this, but I can't. I had this idealized picture of what this would be like. I had a relationship envisioned, that we are never going to have."

"It is just going to take time," Hope tells her.

"You don't understand. I don't want to take the time. I have a mother, and she's not you. You gave birth to me, but, that is it. You have a daughter, and I have a mother."

"Maura, you're my daughter, too."

"You don't want me. You don't want to get to know me. You only need me, for your daughter. I can't give her a kidney, so..."

"You are an incredible person."

"What I am trying to say, is that... I don't want you in my life. Having you in my life, only causes me pain. I have had enough of that in my life. I know who I am, and I would like to move on."

"Oh."

"I get the feeling that you don't really have any interest, anyway."

"I do," she argues.

"You should go."

Hope nods, and walks out the door. Maura tries to maintain her composure.

* * *

She slides in the booth, next to Frost. He turns, to look at her. She's still in her scrubs.

"You look defeated," he comments.

"I feel defeated," she admits.

"Something wrong?" Jane questions.

"Hope came to see me, earlier," Maura reveals.

"Oh?" Barry waits for an explanation.

"I told her that I didn't want her to be a part of my life," Maura tells them.

"Why?" Jane questions.

"Because I don't. I wanted to find her, to figure out who I was..."

Jane shakes her head, "Maura you have always known who you are. Finding her didn't change that."

"I know that, now," Maura replies.

"You look like you need a drink," Barry adds.

"Yeah," Jane goads her.

"What I need is a shower," Maura points out.

"Why are you still in your scrubs?" Barry wonders.

"I didn't have the energy to change out of them. I think I am just going to go home, and take a shower."

"You can stay, and drink with us," Jane suggests.

"Are you hungry?" Barry quizzes.

"I am tired. I am going to go home, and go to bed."


	8. The Tell

Several weeks pass. Maura isolates herself. Jane finds herself consumed with various cases, due to an increase in homicide. After work, Maura heads home. It's just after ten pm, and she's ready for bed. She's just showered, and slipped into her pajamas, when someone knocks at the door. She walks down the stairs. The knocking continues. It only takes her a second to realize that it is coming from the side door, not the front door. She doesn't flip on the light. She knows that here is only one person who uses the side door. She peeks out the window, and then opens the door.

"What are you doing here?" she questions.

"You've been avoiding me," the door closes.

"I haven't been avoiding you," she argues.

"Maura, what's going on, with you?"

"I thought that we were taking a break," she points out.

"I want to be with you," he tells her.

"I doubt that," she argues.

"Maura do you want to be with me?"

"Yes."

They move towards the couch. He takes a seat, next to her.

"Then what is the problem? Why won't you answer my calls, or texts? You barely acknowledge me, when you see me."

"You don't really want to be with me," she argues.

"You're wrong. I want to be with you. I just want to know if you want to be with me."

"There is something that I need to tell you," she admits.

"Ok, then tell me," he insists.

"I don't really know how to," she admits.

"Just spit it out," he suggests.

"I don't think now is the right time," she begins.

"For us?" he furrows his brow, "Maura I gave you time, and space to make up your mind. You're telling me that you want to be with me, but you don't think now is the right time? It's been two months."

"It's been seven weeks," she corrects him.

"Maura, I know that something has been bothering you. I can see it in your eyes. Everyday I see you, and I just want you to tell me. I want you to tell me what's wrong. Maura how is this ever going to work, if you can't confide in me? Huh?"

"I don't know if it can."

"Maura, I love you. I want to be with you. I want to marry you one day. Just tell me the truth. Whatever it is, I can handle it. There is nothing so bad, that I can't get over it."

She shakes her head, "You're wrong."

"Then just tell me what it is."

"I'm pregnant," she finally admits.

"You're what?"

"Pregnant," she repeats.

A smile creeps across his face, "That's great. You're pregnant? We're going to have a baby? Why didn't you tell me?"

"_We're_ probably not."

"You don't want it?"

"I didn't say that."

"I don't understand."

"When you left..."

"I didn't leave."

"You moved your stuff out," she points out.

"I had like three shirts, and a pair of underwear here," he adds.

"Regardless, I was not in a good place. I made a mistake. I want to be with you. I would wait for you."

"But you were afraid that I would hurt you? Maura I'm not going to hurt you. You should know that. You don't have to fear commitment, at least not with me."

"I know that, now. I am so sorry."

"It's ok," he moves in, to hug her.

She pushes him away, "Don't."

"Don't? Why not?"

"I'm not done."

"Not done? Maura, what are you talking about?"

She exhales, "I want to be with you, but I can't."

"What?!"

"I want nothing more than to marry you..."

He cuts her off, "Then what is the problem? Is it Jane, because that is something that I will handle."

"No," she shakes her head.

"Then, what?"

"I made a mistake, I'm sorry."

"With me?"

She shakes her head, "No," she swallows hard, "I don't know if the baby is yours, or not."

"What?! How could you not know?"

"It might not be yours," she reveals.

"Might not be mine? Whose else could it be?"

"It doesn't matter," she shakes her head.

"Who?"

"That doesn't matter. What matters is that I wasn't faithful to you."

"We weren't together," he points out.

"I can't expect you to raise a baby, that might not be yours."

"You had a moment of weakness. Everyone does. You are human. I forgive you."

"You shouldn't. It wasn't just one moment of weakness."

"Huh?"

"There is more than one possibility."

"More than one? Or, more than one, other, than me?"

"More than one possibility, other than you."

"Maura... what happened? I don't understand."

"I never should have let you go. I was not thinking clearly."

He swallows hard, "I still love you."

"Why?"

"I just do."

"I won't ask you to be part of this. I will be ok doing this on my own."

"Maura, I'm not going anywhere."

"What will people say, if they find out?"

"They don't need to know," he answers.

"You're never going to tell them?"

"If the baby is mine we don't have to."

"And, if it isn't?"

"We don't have to tell them, then, either."

"Yes we do. I have made a huge mistake, but I am not going to lie to my child, for their entire life. I won't do that. I know what it is like to live a life that is full of lies, and secrets. I would never subject my child to that. I don't want it to resent me."


	9. Too Close To Call

"Maura," he says in a serious tone, "Who are the other possibilities?"

"I told you that it doesn't matter."

"Are you going to tell them?"

"Not until I know who it is."

"Maura you can't do that. It's wrong."

"I think that you should go," she tells him, on the edge of a breakdown.

"Maura, do I know them?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Oh."

"Please don't make me do this," she begs.

"Just tell me who it is, so that I'm prepared," he begs.

"You'll kill them."

"I won't. I won't even mention it, to them."

"I am not going to tell you. It wasn't their fault."

"Wasn't their fault? One of them could have gotten you pregnant. I think they are at fault."

"I just mean that I was there, too. It was my fault."

"You didn't ask to get pregnant. Although, I'm not sure why you were having unprotected sex with them."

"I wasn't," she admits.

"You weren't? What do you mean?"

"I wasn't. I am not reckless."

"So you used protection, with both of them?"

"You know that I always do," she reminds him.

"So, what happened? Weren't you on the pill, too?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"So what happened?"

"My prescription ran out, I hadn't had a chance to refill it."

"That is a poor excuse," he points out.

"I know that. I am a doctor, I am fully aware of what could happen, and what obviously did happen."

"So..."

"One of them must have broken."

"You didn't know it?"

"Not at the time."

"So you don't know which one of us it is?" he quizzes.

"No. I'm sorry. I feel like..."

He doesn't say anything, he just waits for he to finish.

"I feel like the most horrible human being on the face of the planet. I have never acted that way, in my entire life."

"You were under a lot of pressure," he makes an excuse, "You were supposed to donate your kidney. You needed support, and I walked away, when you needed me."

"It's not your fault."

"Maura, can we just put this in the past? I want to be with you."

"I don't want to hurt you, anymore. I think that you should move on. I am not worth your time. I'm a whore, why would you want to be with me."

"Maura, don't ever say that. Life happens. I still love you."

"I can't imagine why."

"Does Jane know?"

"Which part?"

"Any of it?" he quizzes.

"She knows that I'm pregnant. She also knows that there is more than one possibility of who the father is."

"But?"

"But what?" she raises an eyebrow.

"You never told her about us?"

"There was no us."

"Not at the time."

"I didn't see the point. I figured that when I told you, you would leave. I couldn't blame you for that. I am not entirely sure why you want to stay."

"I told you, I love you."

"You shouldn't."

"Maura do you love me?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes, but I can't. I can't put you through this."

"Put me through this? Maura I want you, period. Whatever you're going through, I am going to go through it, with you."

"I think that is foolish."

"You should tell Jane."

"I can't. She won't understand. She would not be forgiving, about any of this."

* * *

Jane enters Maura's office. Maura looks up from her computer.

"We have a crime scene to go to."

"I know, I just got the call. I am just finishing up," Maura comments.

"Do you want to ride with me?"

"Where is Frost?"

"He was on his way to pick up lunch, so he's already there."

"So, you need a ride? You could have asked Korsak, or even Frankie."

"I am asking you."

"Why?"

"We'll talk in the car."

* * *

Jane fastens her seatbelt, as Maura puts the car into gear. She looks at Maura, as they pull onto the street.

"It's been a month," Jane reminds her.

"I know," Maura keeps her eyes on the road.

"Are you ever going to tell me who your possible baby daddy's are?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Are you going to tell them?"

"Eventually."

"Eventually? Maura this isn't something you can hide. Before long you'll be showing, and people are going to find out. If it is people that we know, like I assume that it is, then they are going to know. They will be suspicious, don't you think?"

"I told one of them."

"When?"

"Last night."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Maura, come on."


	10. Angry

"How did he take it?" Jane follows up.

"Better than I expected. I figured that he would react the best, though."

"Why did you figure that?"

"Because we were together, before all of this happened."

"Together? Obviously you were together. You're pregnant, and he's one of the candidates for the father."

"We were in a relationship."

"A relationship? What do you mean?"

"We had been seeing each other, for a while."

"Define seeing each other."

"Dating," she answers.

"Dating? For how long? A couple of weeks?"

"No."

"No? Then how long."

"Six months," Maura admits.

"Six months? What?! Why didn't you tell me that you were seeing someone?"

"Because I don't tell you everything."

"I am beginning to think that your hives are bullshit. What reason would you have, for not telling me? I am your best friend."

"Because I knew that you would not react well. That is apparent."

"Maura, sometimes you are so self-involved."

"Excuse me?"

"Other people have lives too. You can't expect that they're going to be up in arms every single time that you get a new boyfriend. It happens so often, that I'm used to it."

"That is uncalled for."

"Then what reason did you have to hide it? Why didn't you just tell me? Is it someone that I know? Is it someone I don't like?"

"I would hope that you don't dislike him."

"Because you want my approval? Maura, you're a grown woman, you don't need my approval."

"Why are you being so mean?"

"You are not the only person who has drama in their life."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, now I want to know. Why were you afraid to tell me?"

"I didn't say that I was afraid to tell you."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because I wasn't ready to tell you. I was waiting..."

"For what?"

"To see how things were going to turn out."

"And how did they turn out?"

"He left, when I told him, I didn't know if I could wait for him."

"What?!"

"After your discussion with Casey, it sparked a conversation. He asked me if I would wait, and I said that I didn't know."

"So it ended?"

"Last night, he showed up on my doorstep."

"So, you told him?"

"I told him everything, and he still wants to be with me."

"You told him everything?"

"I didn't tell him who, I just told him that he wasn't the only possibility."

"I can see why you wouldn't want me to know about him. He sounds like a complete dope."

"He's not. He's an amazing guy."

"Really? Who is he?"

"Jane, can we talk about something else?"

"Why do you want to change the subject, every time things get hard? Don't bring it up, if you don't want me to ask."

"Jane, sometimes you are very insensitive."

"I just don't know how you could expect him to stay with you."

"I don't expect that. I told him that. I told him he shouldn't."

"But he still wants to? He must be desperate."

"Stop! You don't have any idea what you're talking about," she raises her voice.

"Let me meet him, and I can be the judge of that."

"Meet him? You already know him. You've known him his whole life!" She yells.

"What? Who is it?"

"I've said too much," she exhales, trying to calm herself down.

"We are not done with this conversation," Jane argues.

Maura pulls up, to the curb. "Yes we are."

"You can't just pull over, and say that you're done with this conversation, because you don't want to talk about it, anymore."

Maura clenches her jaws, as Jane stares at her.

"We're here. That is why the conversation is over. We have work to do."

Jane looks out her window. She sees the crime scene tape, ahead. She unfastens her seat belt, and she climbs out of the car. She walks away from Maura, in complete silence. She ducks under the crime scene tape, as Maura grabs her bag.

Frost holds up the crime scene tape, for Maura. He watches as his partner walks past him, in irritation. He looks to Maura.

"What's her problem?"

"If I had to guess, it's that she's a bitch."

"Maura! What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"It was a seven minute car ride. What could have possibly happened to make you so..."

"Honest?" Maura replies.

"You two had a fight?" he guesses.

"She'll get over it."

"Are you ok? You look like you're about ready to cry," he points out.

"Can you just show me to the body?"

"Of course," he nods.

"I don't want to talk about it," she adds.

"I wasn't going to ask."

"Thank you for respecting my privacy. Some people seem to forget that I am entitled to have some."

"Wow! She really pissed you off."


	11. Oh, Brother

She stands over the body, that is on her table, in her morgue. She wears her black scrubs, and a pair of blue gloves. Jane enters the room, and pulls on a pair of gloves. The silence between them is awkward so Maura begins to speak.

"The carotid artery was severed," Maura begins.

"I can see that," Jane responds.

"If you want to be here, then drop the attitude," Maura suggests.

"Maura, I am sorry. I crossed a line."

"You absolutely did."

"I am just frustrated."

"With me?"

"With a lot of things," she admits.

"Are you ok? You seem really tense the past couple of days," Maura points out.

"I'll be fine."

"Is something going on?" Maura quizzes, out of concern.

"It doesn't matter."

"You get angry at me, for not opening up to you, but it is ok for you to keep things from me. That seems like a double standard."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Those words don't seem to have any value, when I tell you that."

"I said that I'm sorry. Can we move on?"

"We can try."

Jane examines the wound tract, "Maura there wasn't a lot of blood."

"The wound was more shallow than I expected."

"Was the body moved?"

"From the amount of blood, I would hypothesize that the victim may have been dead."

"May have been dead?"

'If the heart was beating there would have been arterial splatter."

"So then she was dead, before her throat was cut?"

"Or, she could have been in the process of dying."

"What do you mean?"

"If her heart rate was low enough, it is possible that the blood pressure was not great enough to cause arterial spatter."

"How will you know?"

"I have to figure out cause of death."

Jane changes the subject, "I don't understand why you can't just tell me. I wouldn't be angry. Maura, I am your best friend."

"That doesn't mean I have to tell you."

"But you should."

"I don't think that I want to, after what you said."

"It is probably true. He is probably a dope."

"Jane," she shakes her head.

"Don't you think that he is being foolish? If you told him the truth, and he still wants to stay? He must be an idiot."

"That makes me feel great."

"Maura, I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what way did you mean it? I know that you think I am a terrible person, for what I did. I don't disagree. But, you are my friend, or at least I thought that you were. You don't have to treat me like dirt. I made a mistake. I know that. I feel terrible about it."

"I'm sorry. I just can't understand why he would want to stay."

"Neither do I," she says out of frustration. She goes a little too far, "but he's _your_ brother."

Jane's eyes fix on her. Jane exhales, allowing that statement to sink in. Maura swallows hard, waiting for Jane's wrath.

"What?!"

Maura remains silent.

"My brother? You're joking, right? You are aware that you said, my brother?"

"Yes," Maura nods.

"Yes?"

"I said your brother. It is your brother."

"My brother? You have been dating my brother?"

Maura simply nods.

"And then you slept with someone else?"

"We weren't together," Maura defends herself.

"I don't even know where to begin. How could you? What would possibly make you want to date my brother? And why would you do that to him? Maura how could you betray him, like that? How could you betray my trust, like that?"

"Do you see why I didn't want to tell you."

"My brother? Maura, you could have done this to anyone else."

"I am sorry. I knew that I shouldn't tell you."

"Shouldn't tell me? You shouldn't have been with my brother."

"I know that. You're my best friend. He told me to tell you. I knew that it would be a mistake. He wanted to tell you, from the beginning. I thought it was a terrible idea, and he didn't understand."

"You slept with my brother? You were in a relationship, with my brother? Maura how many other people's trust can you betray? This is unbelievable."

"This was a mistake. I shouldn't have said anything, ever."

"What would make you want to be with him? Of all people, why would you want to be with my brother?"

"Because he's sweet."

"He's sweet? Maura he's a charming felon, who rarely follows through on what he says."

"You're wrong."

"Like you said, I've known him all his life. He's not good enough for you."

"Jane, you're jumping to conclusions."

"Maura, I made you promise that you wouldn't sleep with him. You swore to me, that you wouldn't. What happened?"

"I didn't promise you that."

"Do you have amnesia? You swore to me that you wouldn't fall for Tommy. You told me that you wouldn't sleep with him."

"I know."

"Then why did you say that you didn't promise me that?"

"You don't get it."

"Get what? You lied to me. You went behind my back, and you slept with Tommy."

"I didn't lie to you."

"Because you didn't plan on sleeping with him? It just happened?"


	12. Good Guy

"You have it all wrong," Maura tells her.

"And, how is that? You are in a relationship with my brother, or at least you were. I mean, why would you want to be in a relationship with Tommy?"

"I don't."

"Then why are you?"

"I'm not."

"You just told me that you were in a relationship, with my brother."

"You have it all wrong."

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"It's not who you think," Maura reveals.

"What?" Jane furrows her brow.

"You have two brothers," Maura points out.

"I know that."

"I am not in a relationship with Tommy," Maura repeats.

"What?!"

"You've got the wrong brother."

"Not Tommy?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"Frankie? You're in a relationship, with Frankie?"

Maura simply nods.

"Oh."

"We should get back to work."

"Frankie, I can see."

"Then can we move on."

"No," she shakes her head, "Tommy deserves whatever he has coming to him. Frankie doesn't. He's a good guy."

"I know that. He's an amazing guy."

"How could you do that to him?"

"I think that you should go. Jane, I don't think we can fix this. I'm sorry."

Jane says nothing, she just turns, and leaves.

* * *

Hours later, she's at home, eating take out, when someone knocks on her door. She sits the box of Chinese food down, and vacates her seat, on the couch. She makes her way to the door. She pulls it open, without checking the peephole. She finds her mother in her doorway.

"What are you doing here? Did Maura send you?"

"No. What makes you think that?" she enters the apartment, closing the door behind her.

"We had a fight."

"She told me."

"So that is why you're here?"

"No," Angela shakes her head.

"Then why are you here?"

"I just came to see you."

"You want me to tell you what Maura told me, don't you?"

"No."

"I wouldn't do that to her, even though she's lost all respect, from me."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," she shakes her head.

"That isn't why I came, anyway."

"Why are you here?"

"I came to check on you."

"I'm fine."

"Really? You don't seem fine."

"I will be."

"Do you think that you and Maura will be able to patch things up?"

"Probably not this time."

"What's been bothering you?"

"This thing, with Maura."

"No," Angela shakes her head, "It's more than that. You and Barry seem different lately. Did something happen?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"You don't know? That means you don't want to tell me."

"Exactly."

"Too bad, tell me anyway. Whatever happened, you have to fix it. He's your partner."

"He's in love with me."

"Oh?"

"You don't sound surprised."

"Jane, everyone with eyes knows that he's in love with you."

"I didn't know."

"Because you didn't want to know. How did you find out?"

"After he was trapped in the parking garage, he told me."

"I am glad that he finally had the courage to tell you the truth."

"I'm not. Things are just so awkward between us now."

"What did you say to him?"

"I told him that I didn't."

"Jane..."

"I think that I made a mistake."

"By telling him you didn't?"

"By the way I handled all of it. I told him that I didn't want to talk about it, again. I think that I really hurt him."

"You did."

"How do you know? Did he tell you?"

"I can just tell, by the look in his eyes. Jane, haven't you noticed that he hardly smiles, anymore?"

"I guess I haven't been paying attention."

"You need to apologize to him."

"For what?"

"Breaking his heart."

"I am not going to do that."

"Did you tell him the truth?"

"What do you mean? I just told you what I said."

"But was it the truth?"

"Of course."

"Then why do you feel so guilty? You seem like you have some doubt."

"It just makes me question everything."


	13. Confessions Part II

Later that afternoon she gets another visitor. She barely hears someone knocking at the door, over the vacuum. She flips the vacuum off, and heads for the door. She peers out the peephole. She backs away from the door, in an attempt to pretend she's not there.

"Jane I know that you're in there I heard you vacuuming."

Jane sighs in defeat, and opens the door. "What do you want?"

"Can I come in?" she asks.

"No," Jane shakes her head.

"I know that you're angry with me. And, you probably don't want to talk to me."

"If you know that, Maura, then why are you here."

"Please let me come in," she implores.

Jane rolls her eyes, and steps aside. Maura steps in. Jane closes the door. Maura doesn't attempt to take a seat, or make herself comfortable.

"Jane, I am sorry. I crossed a line, or two, or three. I am incredibly sorry that I betrayed your trust."

Jane takes a seat. Maura remains standing. "Maura, I get the feeling that this is just the tip of the ice burg. Frankie is probably the best of the candidates, isn't he?"

Maura nods, shamefully.

"And, you don't want me to know who the other two are, because you're afraid that I will never, ever speak to you again."

Maura nods, taking a seat on the couch. "Yes."

"I think that we should just get everything out in the open."

"Jane, it doesn't matter who they are."

"It doesn't?"

"I am not going to tell them, when I find out."

"You're not going to tell Frankie?"

"Of course I will tell him."

"But?"

"I am hopeful that he is the only person I need to tell."

"Just because you want it to be his, because it's simpler, does not mean that it will be. What are you going to do, if it's not?"

"I will still tell him."

"And, the others?"

"No."

"No? Maura you don't think that they have a right to know?"

Maura changes the direction of the conversation, "We've been talking a lot about me, lately. I have been consumed by my own problems. But, today I noticed..."

Jane cuts her off, "Noticed what?"

"There is something going on with you."

"Maura..."

"Jane, you can tell me what it is. What's gotten you in such a mood?"

"Mostly you," Jane admits.

"But there is something else, something more than that, isn't there?"

She nods, "I keep thinking about what Frost said to me."

"And, you've changed your mind?"

"No. I just feel guilty, about the way that I handled it. I did everything wrong. I said all of the wrong things. I really hurt him, and I'm not ok with that."

"So how are you going to fix it?"

"That's just it," she explains, "I don't think that I can."

"He is your partner, of course you can."

"You don't understand."

"There are a lot of things that I don't understand," Maura admits.

"I never meant to hurt him."

"I know that."

"I was just not ready to hear anything, like that."

"Because you were still thinking about Casey?"

"I wasn't ready to let go. I wanted him, and..."

"Sometimes we can't have what we want," Maura points out.

"I had this fairytale in my head of how it would all turn out. He would want me, and tell me that he wouldn't do the surgery, that we could be happy."

"That's not reality. Have you heard from him?"

"No, I'm not sure that I want to."

"Does Korsak still have Elsie?"

"No, Casey picked her up, last week."

"So he's still alive. You should go see him."

"I'm not sure that is a very good idea."

"Maybe it would give you some closure."

"I doubt that, Maura. Can we talk about you? I don't want to talk about me."

"I am tired of talking about me."

"You know, it's going to kill Frankie, when you tell him the truth," Jane tells her.

"What?"

"I know you," Jane points out.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I think part of the reason you feel so guilty..."

Maura cuts her off, "Is that I kept it a secret, from you. I never should have tried to hide the fact that I was in a relationship with your brother."

"Or that when it ended, you..." Jane trails off.

"I what?"

"Did you sleep with Tommy?"

Maura doesn't say anything.

"Did you?"

"I..."

"Maura now is your chance to confess. Just tell me the truth."

"No matter what I say, you're going to be angry."

"Just tell me the truth, and I'll get over it, eventually."

"Yes," Maura admits.

"You slept with both of my brothers? Maura that's on a whole other level."

"I know. Most days I just want to crawl into a hole, it would be easier."

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why did you sleep with Tommy?"

"He told me that... it doesn't matter what he told me. I made a mistake."

"Maura I don't even know what to say to you, right now."

"I should go," Maura gets up off the couch.

"What about the other one?"

"You don't know him," Maura tells her, as she heads for the door.

"I don't believe that, for even a second."

Maura doesn't respond, she just walks out the door.


	14. Her Own Mess

Jane enters the cafe. She sees Maura. Maura goes the other way. Angela picks up on their behavior towards one another. When Jane reaches the front of the line Angela hands her the cup of coffee.

"Jane, get over it. She's your best friend."

"I can't just get over it. You don't know the whole story."

"Who cares? She's your best friend. She's going through hell, and she needs your support. Can't you just be there, for her? Would it kill you?"

"Ma, I can't."

"Why not?"

"She betrayed my trust."

"You'll get over it."

"No, I won't."

"Jane, straighten up."

"Me? I am not the one who..." she lowers her voice, as not to make a scene, "did what she did. What she did is unforgivable."

"Forgive her, anyway."

"Do you know who any of the options are?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me. She can't hurt all of the people that I care about, and expect me to be ok with it."-

* * *

Jane gets home from work late, that night. It's nearly eleven o'clock by the time she gets into the shower. When she gets out, she hears someone knocking on the door.

"I wish people would just leave me alone," she curses.

She waits, hoping that the party on the other side of the door will leave. The knocking continues. She marches over to the door, wearing a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. Her hair is still wrapped in a towel. She pulls open the door.

"What?!"

"Not the greeting I was expecting," he admits.

"What are you doing here?"

"You don't look happy to see me."

"It's not that. I just wasn't expecting you."

"Can I come in?"

"Of course," she nods.

He steps into the apartment, using his crutches. She closes the door behind him.

"You're still alive," she points out.

"And not in a wheelchair," he adds.

"So the surgery went well?"

"I'm am beginning to regain feeling," he admits.

"Casey, that is great."

"I wanted to see you."

"I'm glad that you came."

"I came to ask, if you wanted to pick up, where we left off. I know that I was harsh with you, before I left, but I didn't want to put you through hell."

"I would love to pick up where we left off," she tells him.

"So there is no one else in your life?"

"Casey, I want to, but I can't," she reveals.

"So, there is someone else?"

"No," she shakes her head, "there isn't. It is just complicated."

"Complicated, how? Is there someone else that you're waiting on?"

"No. It's not like that."

"You changed your mind? You don't want to be with me?"

"I didn't change my mind. I do want to be with you."

"So what's the problem?"

"I can't."

"Because of what I said? Or what I did?"

"No. It isn't anything you said, or did."

"You just moved on."

"Casey it's a complicated situation. I don't really want to talk about it. You should just know that it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me."

"Jane, I don't understand. What does that mean?"

"I can't tell you."

"You can't, or you won't? Jane just be honest with me. That is all that I ask."

"I have a lot going on with work, and I just don't have the time."

He shakes his head, "That is a lie, and you know it."

"Casey it's too late."

"Too late? I'm standing right here. I am asking you to do what you wanted, all along. How can it be too late? You said that you want this, so why are you so hesitant? You're afraid that I'll hurt you."

She shakes her head, "No. I just don't want to hurt you."

"Jane, you're not going to hurt me."

"Casey, things change."

"I can tell by the look in your eyes that they haven't changed that much. I can see that you still want to be with me. What is the problem?"

"You should go."

"Not until I have some answers."

"Casey, I don't want to do this, ok?"

"There is someone else, isn't there? You fell in love with someone else?"

She shakes her head, on the verge of tears, "No. I didn't fall in love with someone else. I want you."

"Then I think you owe me an explanation."

"I don't have an explanation."

"If you need more time, that is ok. I can understand that. I know that this is a lot to deal with."

"Casey, I don't need more time. That isn't going to change anything," the tears begin to roll down her cheeks.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I wanted this, for so long. I waited for this moment. I prayed that it would come."

"Then let's do this."

"But, I can't. Casey, it's too late."

"You moved on?"

"No," she wipes away tears.

"So, just tell me, why you can't do this?"


	15. Just Can't Win

"I have been waiting for this moment, for what seems like an eternity. I honestly did not believe that this day would ever come. I have wanted you, for a long time. For as long as I can remember."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I just didn't picture it like this," she admits.

"Let me get this straight, you didn't picture things like this, so we can't be together?"

"I waited, for so long. Casey, I put my life on hold, for..."

"Weeks?"

She shakes her head, "I waited for you, for years. I wanted so badly for you to be the one."

"What happened?"

"You're still the one. You are the one that I have always wanted."

"Jane," she shakes his head, "I don't understand. Why can't we be together?"

"Life doesn't stand still, even if you want it to. In one moment, your entire life can change, and you can't take it back."

"I understand that. It's the moment when you're not sure that you're going to make it home, to that girl. The one that you see, the second before you fall asleep. The girl you picture your future with. When your whole life is falling apart, you can still picture yourself with her, at a house, in the suburbs, with a couple of kids."

She swallows hard, the tears well up in her eyes, "I want that, too."

"You can have it."

She clenches her jaw, but the tears fall, anyway, "I can't."

"Why not?"

She blinks away the tears, "I'm pregnant," she answers.

"What?"

"You should go," she insists.

"You said that there wasn't anyone else."

"Just go, please," she begs.

"Ok," he nods, turning towards the door. He walks out the door.

She watches him walk through the door. He doesn't turn, at the last moment, to look at her. She lets the door slam. She locks the door behind him. She slides down the door, until she's sitting. She draws her knees to her chest, and she begins to sob, uncontrollably.

She climbs into her bed, feeling numb, and broken. She pulls the covers over her head. She doesn't set the alarm, too broken to care. She cries, until she falls to sleep, from exhaustion. She doesn't sleep soundly. She tosses, and turns, until the morning light.

When she wakes up, it's barely six. It's too early to get out of bed. She just lies there, in silence. She stares at the clock, for a while. She rolls onto her back, and she looks up at the ceiling.

The sound of her phone, ringing brings her back to reality. She pulls it to her ear.

"Rizzoli," she answers, "Yeah, I can be there in twenty," she hangs up the phone.

She gets dressed, and pulls her hair into a pony tail. She doesn't bother to check her appearance in the mirror. She washes her face, and brushes her teeth. She grabs her keys, and her gun, and gets into her car. She goes through the motions, but she feels nothing, but empty.

Maura has yet to arrive, at the crime scene. A uniformed officer lifts the tape, and she ducks under it. She pulls on her gloves, and sees Frost, waiting on her.

"What do we got?"

"A murder," he jokes.

"You're waiting on Maura?" Jane guesses.

"You ok?"

"Why, wouldn't I be?"

"Cause you look like hell. Plus, I'm your partner, and I know when you aren't yourself."

"I'm fine," she lies.

"Don't lie to me. You haven't been fine, in a long time."

"Can we just check out the crime scene?"

"I've got an ID," he holds up the wallet.

"Oh?"

"Ray Cabell."

Jane hears Maura, before she sees her. The sound of her heels click, against the concrete, of the sidewalk that runs perpendicular to the alleyway. She looks up, and finds Maura walking towards them. She ducks under the tape. Frost meets her, and leads her to the body. Jane swallows any emotion that she might have, and joins them.

* * *

Back at the precinct Barry watches surveillance footage of cameras nearby the alley. Jane makes her way to the basement, to join Maura, for her examination of the body. Jane gets off the elevator, and makes a beeline for autopsy. She pushes the door open, and walks in. She grabs a pair of gloves, and joins Maura near the table. Maura is wearing black, as per usual. She looks up at Jane.

"You're here, just in time. I'm getting ready to start."

"Maura, what is cause of death?"

"I have yet to determine that."

"So it has nothing to do with the big gash to the back of his head?"

"That injury was sustained sometime around time of death, but I am not certain that it is cause of death."

"Oh."

"It is consistent with a fall."

"You're certain that weapon was the ground, and not an actual weapon."

"It is not consistent with any weapon that I am familiar with," Maura reveals.

"Ok."

"You're not going to ask?"

"Ask what?" Jane shrugs.

"Why I don't think the fall caused his death?"

"I am sure that you have a reason."

"The amount of blood suggests that his heart stopped beating not long after he fell."

"How does that suggest that the fall didn't kill him?"

"A head injury takes a long time to bleed out."

"Maybe he was moved. Maybe the scene was staged."

"I won't know what killed him, until I open him up," Maura insists.

"You always say that."

"Not always," Maura argues.

"Whatever," Jane rolls her eyes, "Call me if you find something?"

Maura lays her scalpel down. She looks up at Jane .

"Are you ok?"

"I didn't sleep well, last night. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure, that's it?"

"I'm hungry, so I am going to go get a sandwich. Enjoy your autopsy."

"Ok."


	16. Explanations

Maura later heads up to the cafeteria, for some tea. She finds Barry sitting at a table, eating his lunch. She grabs her beverage, and takes a seat, at the table, with him.

"Can I ask you something?" she wonders.

He nods, as he chews.

"Does Jane seem..."

"Weird?" He supplies, "Yeah, definitely."

"Especially, today," she adds.

"Do you think something happened, last night?" Barry queries.

"Like what?"

He shrugs, "I don't know. You should talk to her," she suggests.

"She isn't really talking to me, right now, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Talk to her, anyway."

* * *

Jane has barely made it home, that night, when someone is knocking on her door. She groans, as she sits up, on the couch. She mutes the TV.

"No one is home, go away," she calls out.

"Jane, let me in!"

Against her better judgment, she gets off the couch, and opens the door. She retreats to the couch, as Maura enters the apartment. Maura closes the door.

"What is wrong with you?"

"You people won't leave me alone," Jane answers.

"Why do you want to be alone?"

"I need some alone time," Jane reveals.

"I understand that. What I don't understand, is why."

"Everyone is always in my business. Why can't people just leave me alone?"

"Because _people_ are worried about you."

"They shouldn't be."

"Are you ok?"

"No," Jane admits.

"Then tell me what's going on."

"I don't want to."

"Tell me what happened."

"What makes you think that something happened?"

"Because this morning you came in, and you weren't yourself, at all."

"Maura quit analyzing me."

"Just tell me what happened."

"Fine," Jane sighs.

"I'm listening."

"Casey came over, last night."

"Oh."

"His surgery went well. He is starting to regain feeling."

"That is great."

"For him," Jane agrees.

"So what did he say?"

"That he wants to be together," Jane frowns.

"That is a good thing."

"No, it's not."

"You're not ready?"

"I have been ready," Jane growls.

"You changed your mind?" Maura guesses.

"I didn't change my mind."

"Then what is wrong? Why are you so unhappy. If he told you that he wanted to be with you, what's wrong?"

"Did you ever consider that I might not want to be with him?"

"You don't want to be with him?"

"Of course I do."

Maura shakes her head, "I guess that I just don't understand."

"Maura, I'm not like you. I can't have any, and every guy that I want. Men are repelled by my badge."

"You found one who isn't. Casey isn't afraid of you. He loves you. He wants to be with you. I can't understand what the problem is."

"Life. That is the problem."

"Why is life the problem?" Maura furrows her brow.

"Because life happens."

Maura doesn't respond. She waits for Jane to continue. She watches her facial expression. Jane doesn't make eye contact with her. She stares at her hand, as it lies on her lap. Maura realizes that she is missing something. She furrows her brow, and realizes that Jane isn't going to continue, unless goaded.

"Is this about Frost? Are you questioning your feelings about Casey, because you think that you might have feelings for Frost?"

"No," Jane shoots her down.

"You don't have feelings for Frost?"

"No!"

"Then I still don't understand. Did what Frost say make you re-evaluate your life, and consider the possibility that Casey isn't the one?"

"Maura," she shakes her head, "There is no such thing as the one. There is just the person that you're with."

"I don't believe that," Maura disagrees.

"I do."

"Casey was the one."

"Except every single time, we should have been together, something happened. Maybe it was a sign, that we weren't supposed to be together."

"Jane, it wasn't a sign. Sometimes, I just think that you're afraid to be happy. You are afraid to commit to anything, other than your job. Why are you so afraid?"

"You're one to talk. You are afraid of commitment, too. Every single time it gets close, you sabotage it. Maura, when are you going to learn, that not everyone is going to abandon you. Someone is going to love you."

"We aren't talking about me. We are talking about you. Why don't you want to be with Casey?"

"I do want to be with Casey, I just can't."

"What did he say? Did he tell you he didn't want to be with you?"

"Maura, he does, or he did."

"What happened?"

"I told him that I was pregnant."

"Why, would you do that?!"


	17. Whole World On Fire

Jane doesn't say anything. Maura waits for a response, but Jane doesn't give her one.

"Jane, why would you tell him that? Were you trying to test him? Was it some sick twisted, way to figure out if he's worthy, or something?"

"No."

"Then what were you thinking?"

"I don't know," she admits.

"Why would you tell him something like that?"

"Like what?"

"Are you trying to teach me a lesson?" Maura questions.

"Not everything is about you," Jane points out.

"Then what was it? You were trying to scare him off? Obviously it worked, or you wouldn't be in such a funk."

"Can we talk about this later? I just want to go to bed."

"You don't need to go to bed. I am beginning to think that you're depressed."

"I am not depressed. I am just tired."

"You're tired, and moody, and you haven't been eating much."

"You should go home, it's getting late," Jane tells her.

"Late? It's eight thirty. Jane, what is going on with you? Why are you trying to push everyone away? Can't you just let someone in, once, in a while?"

"I did, and look how that turned out."

"Casey? I know that he hurt you. I know that he broke your heart, but you have to give him a second chance, don't you think?"

"I am not talking about Casey."

"Who are you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Jane, why did you tell Casey that you were pregnant?"

"I don't want to talk about this, anymore."

"Come on," Maura implores, "Just tell me, why would you say that to him?"

"Because it's the truth."

"The truth? Jane come on. What kind of a game are you playing?"

"Maura I don't play games," she gets up, off the couch. She walks out of the room.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed," Jane calls, from the hallway.

Maura follows her. Jane crawls into bed, and pulls the covers over her head. Maura sits down, next to her, and pulls the covers off.

"Leave me alone!"

"You can't just walk away, when we're in the middle of a conversation."

"You slept with both of my brothers. I think that if I don't want to talk to you, that I have every right," Jane argues.

"I deserve that."

"Go home, Maura."

"Why would you lie to Casey? Why would you lie to me?"

Jane looks at her, "Tired, moody, no appetite," she repeats.

"Why are you repeating what I said earlier?"

"I'll add to it," Jane responds, "Nauseous, and dizzy."

"I..."

"Maura I didn't lie to Casey, and I didn't lie to you."

"Oh," Maura's heart sinks into her stomach.

"I'm pregnant."

"Are you sure?"

Jane just nods.

"Oh. I didn't know."

"I didn't want to tell you. You have enough going on, in your own life."

"You're pregnant?" Maura can't wrap her head around it.

"Yes."

"You don't seem very happy."

"Maura I am completely exhausted. I feel like I could puke, every second, of everyday. I didn't plan this. I am sorry, if I haven't made it to happy, yet."

"What are you going to do?"

"Have a baby," Jane answers, with certainty in her voice.

"I wasn't aware it was something that you wanted."

"Neither was I. I didn't know that I would ever want this."

"Have you told your mother?"

"I'm not planning on telling her, for a while."

"So, obviously it isn't Casey's."

"No. I don't know why this happened, I just know that it did."

"Are you scared?"

"Out of my mind. I am unmarried, and I'm a cop. My life expectancy is not great."

"I know that you're Catholic, but..."

"Everyone has a choice," she answers.

"What made you decide that you..."

Jane cuts her off, again, "My whole life changed, in a heartbeat," Jane answers. She reaches into her night stand. She pulls out her gun, and puts it on top of the nightstand. She digs to the bottom of the drawer. She pulls out a black, and white image. She hands it to Maura.

"I don't have any idea how to do this. I never wanted this..." she trails off.

"Do you, now?"

"I'm still not entirely sure," she says, in a small voice.

Maura looks away. She chokes back tears, and tries to silence the truth.

"You don't want me here, right now, do you?"

"No," Jane insists.

"I'll go," Maura turns to leave.

Jane doesn't ask her to stay. She hears the door slam, and she feels the numbness washing over her, again.

This, was the scariest thing she had ever done, in her entire life, and... she had nobody. There was no one for he to talk to. She didn't want Maura around. She couldn't tell her mother, because she still wasn't sure what to do. She had burnt a bridge, with Frost. Casey ran away, and now, she was alone.

* * *

Half an hour later, she finds herself sitting, bar side, at The Dirty Robber. She sits in silence, as she stares at the TV. A familiar face slides onto the barstool, next to her.

"Where's your drink?" he queries.

"This is it," she points.

"It must be pretty bad, if you won't even drink alone."

She sighs, "Korsak, you know me too well."


	18. Weakness

"Jane, what's wrong?"

"Everything."

"What's going on with you?"

She looks away, "I don't want to talk about it."

He nods, "You don't have to. I won't push you."

"Why don't you push me, when I don't want to talk?"

"Because I know you. If I push you too hard, one of two things happens. One, your either clam up, or two, you push me away. If I give you time, and space, eventually, you'll talk."

"I don't want to talk, anymore. I just want to drink," she responds.

"Jane, I want to ask what's going on, between you, and Maura."

"She has made some stupid choices, that I don't agree with."

He shakes his head, "You don't agree with a lot of the things that she does, but you're still her friend."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because you're sitting at a bar, alone, with the desire to drink your sorrows away. That is dangerous."

"I have self control. I know myself, well enough to know that if I take the first drink, on a night, like tonight, that I won't stop."

"I know that too," he reminds her.

"And, I'm not alone."

"Do you remember the night that I had to haul you out of this very bar?"

She takes a deep breath, and she nods. She refuses to look at him.

"I had never seen you act that way, before. You were slamming them back. By the time I had half of a beer, you had already had three drinks. I lost count, after awhile. You never got sick. You can hold your alcohol, but it isn't pretty."

"I remember. That was one of the worst days of my life," she admits.

"You called off, the next morning. I told the lieutenant that you had the stomach flu."

She looks at him, and gives him half of a smile, "You were a good partner. You never told anyone about that."

He shakes his head, "No I will take it to my grave."

"Why?"

"Because, I didn't blame you. I couldn't, after the week you had. After the day you had, I wasn't going to fault you. I couldn't imagine what that day was like for you. It was bad enough, for me."

"I never should have gone in there, alone."

"Jane, you learn from your own mistakes, not mine," he points out.

"It was a miserable time."

"I know. You never talked about it, though. You just dumped me as a partner, and got a new one."

"I didn't want you to..."

He cuts her off, "I know."

"I didn't drink, for a long time, after that."

"There were a lot of things lost, in that cellar."

Her lip begins to quiver, "Yeah."

"And I'm not sure that you got all of them back."

"I don't trust myself, the way that I used to."

"I know, but you should. Jane you have great instincts."

"And, a hard head. My instincts were telling me that something wasn't right, but I didn't listen."

"You listen now, don't you?"

"Sometimes I'm still wrong."

"Jane that is life. No one is right, all of the time."

"I don't want to be right, all of the time," she replies.

"Jane, what's on your mind?"

"It's always something."

He smiles, "I know."

"Maura... sometimes I think that she doesn't really care who she hurts, as long as things work out, the way that she wants."

"What did she do?"

Jane squirms, "She betrayed my trust. Korsak, I don't think that I can forgive her."

"Just give it time," he advises.

"I don't think that I can ever forgive her."

"You can."

"But I am waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"What do you mean?" he furrows his brow.

"How many suspects do you think that I have interrogated?"

"Hundreds, maybe thousands."

"I know when she's lying."

"The hives," he guesses.

"No. She doesn't always get hives."

"Are you saying that she's looked you in your face, and lied?"

"Not exactly. She's hiding something."

"So are you."

"It's not the same. It is something that she doesn't want me to know. After everything that I have recently learned, about her... it has to be something... unthinkable."

"Like what?"

She shakes her head, "I wish that I knew."

"What are you going to do?"

"I have confronted her, but she won't tell me."

"She's like you in that respect," he points out.

"She's not like me," Jane says, bitterly.

"What did she do?"

"I wish that I could tell you."

"You're hiding something from me, but I am not going to take it personally."

"Korsak, that is different."

"How?" he raises an eyebrow.

"You've been a detective longer than I have. You have known me, longer than I have known Maura."

He nods, "You're saying that I have an advantage, that you don't?"

"Exactly. Tell me how to figure out what she's hiding."

"What's your weak point?"

Jane furrows her brow, "What?"

"What is your weak point?"

She shrugs, "Why does it matter?"

"What is the one thing, that you could never forgive her for?" he questions.

"I don't know."

"Neither do I. When you figure out what that is, then you'll figure out what she's done."

"Do you know something, that I don't?"

"I just know human nature."

She exhales. He pushes a bowl towards her.

"Peanut?" He questions.

She makes eye contact, and says nothing.


	19. Accidents Happen

She stands at the front of the squad room. She stares at the dry erase board, that has writing, and pictures of suspects. Her thoughts should be on the case at hand, but she can't seem to get Korsak's voice out of her head. _"What is the one thing, that you could never forgive her for?" . _The questions rings in her head, like a bell. She is so consumed in her thought that she doesn't hear Frost approach.

"Jane?"

She turns and looks at him, "What?"

"Did you hear me?"

She shakes her head, "No, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

"Do you want something for lunch? I'm going out," he repeats.

She stares at him, for a moment, "No, I'm ok. Thanks, though."

"Jane, are you ok? You seem a little distracted."

"I'm fine."

"You should answer your phone," he points out.

She comes to the realization that her phone is vibrating. She unclips it from her belt, and pulls it to her ear.

"Rizzoli? Yeah. Ok," she hangs up.

"Who was it?" Frost questions, collecting his jacket.

"Maura. Why don't you go see what she's got. I can go pick up lunch."

"Jane," he furrows his brow, "are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Ok," he watches her walk out the door.

Fifteen minutes later she's returned, with lunch. She places the bag on Frost's desk.

"Where is Korsak?" she inquires.

"He's running down a lead."

"What did Maura have for us?"

"She matched the paint chip to a type of paint used by GM in the nineties."

"So that narrows it down, right?"

"It was black, so, not very much. She's still analyzing it."

"Oh."

"Why did you volunteer to go get lunch? You hate the traffic, and the crowds during the lunch rush."

"I just needed a minute to myself."

"Whatever," he rolls his eyes.

* * *

When Jane gets home, from work, that evening, she finds Maura waiting for her, on her doorstep.

"What are you doing out here, it's freezing?"

"I was waiting on you," Maura reveals.

"Why?"

"I know that you don't want to talk to me, but..."

"But, what? Maura go home. I don't want to talk to you."

"Jane..."

"Go home. I don't want anything to do with you, anymore."

"Please don't be that way."

"What way?" Jane shouts, "You have screwed every tom, dick, and harry, that you could. I am sorry that has reeked havoc on your life, but you brought it on yourself," Jane rages.

Maura freezes. She says nothing, trying to fight off the urge to break down, and cry. Jane turns, and walks through the door.

"And, don't follow me," she warns.

* * *

Maura turns, and leaves. She climbs into her car. She locks the doors behind her, and puts on her seat belt. She turns the car on, and cranks up the heat. She reaches for the gearshift, but the tears take over. They pour out, with no discretion. She blubbers, and sobs, in the driver's seat of her car. She begins to hyperventilate.

"What have I done?"

Finally she regains enough composure to wipe her tears. She takes a deep breath, and she pulls away from the curb. The road is icy, as she eases into her lane.

* * *

Upstairs, in the warmth of her apartment, Jane sits on the couch. Her elbows rest on her knees. She holds her hands, in her head. The tears flow, like a river. She fights the verge to curl up into a ball, and not emerge until morning.

She shifts positions, on the couch. Her emotions run high, and her stomach runs on empty. She feels nauseous, and exhausted. She gets off the couch, and heads to the shower. As the warm water hits her, and trickles down the drain, she wishes that her problems could do the same. She prays that this nightmare will end, and that it's all been a bad dream.

Hours later, she's sound asleep in her bed, with wet hair, and tangled covers. The sound of her ringing phone returns her to reality. She rolls onto her side, and reaches for the phone, that rests on her nightstand, without opening her eyes.

"Rizzoli," she answers, sheepishly.

"Jane, is Maura there?"

"Ma?" she yawns, "What time is it?" She blinks.

"One o'clock. Maura hasn't made it home yet. She's not at work, and..."

"She's not here. I'll go out, and see if I can find her. Maybe she just isn't answering her phone. She probably went back to the lab."

"No one has seen her."

"Ok, I'll take care of it. Go to sleep," Jane hangs up the phone.

She pulls her hair into a bun, and she puts on layers. She grabs her gun, keys, flashlight, and phone. She puts on her coat, and boots, and leaves the apartment. She scrapes the ice off her car, and climbs inside. The cold stings her cheeks. She slowly eases onto the road. There is virtually no traffic. It's late, and the road is covered, in black ice.

A couple of blocks from her apartment, she sees what appear to be lights. She pulls over, and gets out of her car. She walks across the road, to the trees. On a normal night the secluded area would have foot traffic, but on a night like this, it was too slippery to walk. She slowly makes her way towards the trees. She steps onto the sidewalk. She pauses, and scrapes the sidewalk with her foot. She sees what appear to be skid marks. Beyond the light of the streetlamps, it's pitch black. She turns on her flashlight, as she steps off the sidewalk, towards the trees. The beam of her flashlight catches a reflective surface. She moves towards it. She focuses her light on the surface. It's the red of a reflective light. She rushes towards the car.

As she approaches she notices that the car is on it's side. The front of the car is smashed, against a tree. The driver's side of the car is against the ground. Jane shines her flashlight into the car. She dials her phone, as she busts the back windshield. She wears leather gloves, as she climbs into the car. She approaches the front seat, as the 911 operator answers.


	20. Lost And Found

Maura is slumped against the steering wheel. There is blood, coming from her head. Jane peels off her glove, for a moment. She's already spoken to the 911 operator, at this point. She touches Maura's neck, looking for a pulse. The first thing she notices is how cold she is. She has been in the car for over two hours, in temperatures quickly approaching zero. Jane finds a slow, faint pulse.

"Maura? Maura I need you to wake up." She elicits no response. She puts her glove back on. She unfastens the seat belt.

"Maura?" she pats her on the shoulder. She sits in the car, waiting for help, for what seems like an eternity. After a few minutes the hears the sound of sirens. She climbs out of the car, and finds a fire truck, and an EMT parked on the street, near her car. They approach her.

"She's stuck in the car, I can't get her out."

Without a second thought, the head to the car. There are four of them. They gently return the wheels of the car to the ground. They do this slowly, and cautiously. After a few moments they are able to take her out of the vehicle. They gently put her on a gurney.

Jane follows them to the hospital. It takes them fifteen minutes to reach the closest ER. When they reach the ER, Jane follows the gurney to one of the bays. The nurse begins to assess Maura. A doctor joins them. After listening to heart, and lungs, the nurse turns to Jane.

"Who are you?"

"She's my best friend."

"What can you tell me? Does she have any allergies?"

"No."

"Any past medical history, that I should know about?" the nurse grills her.

"No."

"When did you see her last?"

"It was around ten thirty. She must have slid off the road."

"She doesn't have any medical conditions that would prevent us from treating her?" the nurse double checks.

"She's pregnant," Jane recalls.

"How far along is she?"

Jane shrugs, "Eight weeks, I think."

By the time that they move Maura to a private room, Barry has arrived. He enters the room. He finds Jane sitting next to Maura, in silence.

"How is she?" he wonders.

"Unconscious. She was out there for over two hours. This is my fault."

"Jane, how is it your fault?"

"She came over to talk, and I told her to go home. I said... something, that was terrible. When she left, I could see that she was upset."

"It wasn't your fault."

"You don't know what I said to her."

"I am sure that it couldn't be that bad."

"Barry, it was awful. It was hateful. It was a low blow."

"What did you say to her?"

"You don't want to know," she insists.

"Just tell me."

"I basically called her a whore."

"What? Why would you do that? What in the hell has been going on between the two of you, lately? You two are ice cold to each other, it's like freaking world war three."

"She slept with my brother," Jane reveals.

"Tommy?" Barry guesses.

"Him, too."

"Him, too? What do you mean?"

"She, and Frankie, were dating."

"I didn't know that," he admits.

"She wouldn't let him tell anyone."

"I knew about Tommy. I mean, I assumed."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Bro-code."

Jane runs her fingers through her hair, "I can't believe this. This is my fault. What if..." she trails off.

"What if, what?"

"Nothing," she shakes her head, rising from her chair.

"You were going to say something."

"Where is everybody?" She begins to pace.

"Frankie is out on patrol. Tommy is on his way. Korsak swung by Maura's to pick up your mother."

"The car was on its side. She had glass all over her. The airbags deployed, and then when the car stopped, she hit the steering wheel."

"She'll be alright," Barry promises her.

"What if she's not? What if she has permanent brain damage? What if her brain starts swelling? Or what if she dies of pneumonia. If anything happens to her, it is my fault," Jane says, guiltily.

"No, it's not. She is going to be fine."

Tears trickle down Jane's face. Barry steps in front of her. He wraps her in a hug.

"She's going to be ok. What did the x-rays show?"

"They haven't done any," she reveals.

"Why not?"

"She would kill me, if I told you."

"Told me, what? Jane she's unconscious. She has no way of knowing. I won't tell her."

"She's pregnant."

"What?" he swallows hard.

"That's what I was angry at her, about. She slept with both of my brother, and either one of them could be the father."

"Oh?"

"And then, there is the other one."

"What?!"

"The third candidate."

"Who is that?"

Jane shrugs, "I don't know. She wouldn't tell me."

"Calm down," he begs.

"Will you stay here, with her? I need some air, I..."

He nods, "Yeah, go."


	21. Confrontation

Jane sits on a bench, in front of the entrance. Tommy walks past her, without saying a word. Korsak, and Angela soon make their way from the parking lot.

"How is Maura? What are you doing out here?" Angela inquires.

"I just needed some fresh air," Jane admits.

"Come inside."

"I'll be in, in a minute, ma."

"I'll take her in," Korsak promises, "Go on, without me."

Angela nods, and heads for the doors. Korsak takes a seat, next to Jane.

"What are you really doing out here?"

"I was feeling claustrophobic."

"Why?"

"The accident was my fault. I said something that really hurt her. She was upset when she left, and..."

"Jane, it isn't your fault, that she wrecked. It was an accident," he reminds her.

"It's not even the worst part."

"What do you mean?"

"She's in there, in a coma, and all I can think about, is what you said, the other day."

"What would that be?"

"When you asked me what my weakness is. I keep thinking about it. It's driving me crazy. I..."

"Did you figure it out?"

"I have lots of weaknesses," she admits.

"Two more minutes, and then you come in, ok?"

"Yeah," she nods.

He gets up, and heads for the doors. She sits there in the cold air, thinking to herself. Eventually she gets up, and goes back in. After another couple of hours, she's exhausted, and Maura's room is full.

"I'm going to go home," she tells them.

"You can't go home," Angela argues.

"I'm exhausted. I want to go home," Jane insists.

"I'll take her," Tommy offers.

He follows Jane out of the room. She remains silent, even as they get into her car. He backs out of his parking space, and cautiously heads towards her apartment.

"Janey, you ok?"

"No," she stares out the window.

"Are you mad at me, for something?"

"What makes you think that? Is there a reason that I should be mad at you?"

"You've been giving me the cold shoulder lately. What gives."

"You slept with my best friend."

* * *

_She brings him to her house, from the hospital. He sleeps on her couch. She knows it's what's best for him. Angela was right next door, to keep an eye on him, until he was ready to go home. It is only for a few days. She creeps down the stairs in the middle of the night. She takes a seat, on the end of the couch. It's dark, and she can't tell whether he's sleeping, or not. _

_"Maura, I'm ok."_

_"Do you need anything?"_

_"Just you," he says under his breath._

_"Excuse me?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Really? I think that your concussion has gotten the best of you."_

_"I'm fine."_

_"Then why did you say that?"_

_"Say what?"_

_"When I asked if you needed anything, you said..."_

_"I didn't say anything," he insists._

_"Just you. I heard you."_

_"I guess I'm busted, then."_

_"Why would you say that?"_

_He exhales, "Because it's true. I have wanted you, from the day that I met you. I can't seem to get you out of my head."_

_"Tommy, that is never going to happen. If Jane found out..."_

_"So don't tell her," he sits up. _

_"No."_

_He scoots closer. Her eyes have adjusted to the dark, and she can see how close he is to her. He pushes her hair, behind her shoulder. She stares at him, hoping he won't go any farther, knowing that she can't resist. _

_Being with Frankie, that made sense. They are both rational, and hard-working. They like the same things. He is stable, and honest. He is a safe choice. Tommy, he is a different story. He is immature, and he likes to take risks. He's impulsive, and it makes him sort of irresistible. _

_His hand pauses on her shoulder, for a moment. His fingers on her shoulder sends chills up her spine. It glides over to her neck. Then to the base of her skull. His fingers are in her hair, and he gets closer. He kisses her, and she doesn't stop him. She doesn't pull away. She matches him, move for move, button for button. _

* * *

"Did you hear me?" she questions.

"I heard you."

"Are you going to respond?"

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? That is all you have to say? I told you to stay away from her. I told you not to go there. Why don't you ever listen to anything that I have to say?"

"Because," he begins, "you're afraid to take chances. You always play it safe."

"I am a cop, I don't play it safe," she argues.

"You don't have any fun. You never act impulsively. You just wait for life to happen, instead of making it happen. Sometimes, all you get, is one moment. You get one moment, to have what you want, and that's it."

"That is bullshit."

"I am sorry that you're angry. I am sorry if you feel that I betrayed your trust. I'm not sorry that it happened, though."

"That is not what I want to hear."

"I would do it again. Jane, you don't understand. What Maura and I have..."

She cuts him off, "I don't want to hear, what you, and Maura have."

"Is passion. There is chemistry. There is electricity between us. I can't help that."

"So you're basically telling me, that you just couldn't help yourself?"

"I am telling you, that I wasn't the only one who wanted it."

"What is wrong with you?"


	22. Partners In Crime

"I love her."

"You're an idiot," she tells him.

The rest of the car ride is silent. When she arrives home, she slams the car door, behind her. She heads into her building. She peels off her layers of clothes, and she locks the door behind her. She dives into her bed, in attempt to forget her troubles.

* * *

Hours later, at the hospital, Frankie has just gotten off duty. He finds that Frost, and Korsak have already left. Angela sits at Maura's bedside.

"Ma, do you want me to take you home?"

"I am not going anywhere, until she wakes up."

"You look exhausted, did you get any sleep?"

"Don't worry about me. Why don't you go home, and get some rest? You worked all night, you've got to be tired. I'll stay with her."

"Ma, I don't want to leave her."

"Go get a few hours of sleep, Frankie, please."

"Ok," he nods.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Ok," he agrees, reluctantly.

Jane gets out of bed, in the morning, and drags herself to work. Frost, and Korsak join her. They find themselves running low on patience, and sleep. It's not long before they end up, at a crime scene.

Angela sits at Maura's bedside, watching the monitors. She listens to Maura, as she breathes. She holds her hand, watching over her, as if she truly is her mother. Angela leans forward, praying, as Maura lies there. Maura opens her eyes, and looks at Angela. She squeezes her hand. Angela looks up.

"Hi, sweetie."

"How long have I..." Maura begins.

"You have been here for about nine hours."

"The car..."

"Don't worry about the car," Angela tells her.

"My head hurts," Maura admits.

"You hit it, pretty hard, on the steering wheel."

"Where is Jane?"

"She's not here."

"She was so mad at me, when I left."

"Shh! She'll get over it."

"I am not so sure."-

* * *

Jane is dozing, at her desk. Korsak nudges her. She looks up at him.

"Sorry."

"It was a rough night, don't apologize."

She sits up, and looks around the room, "Where is Frost?"

"He went to get some lunch."

"Oh."

"Maybe you should go see Maura," he suggests.

"We have work to do," she argues.

"Ok, if you say so."

Suddenly the light bulb goes off, in her head. It hits her like a ton of bricks. Her partner. He was her weakness. Her job was to have his back, and his to have hers. If anything happened to him, it would be the same as... hurting her.

"My partner," she mumbles.

"What?" Korsak furrows his brow.

"My partner, "she repeats, loud enough for him to hear.

"What about him?"

"He's my weakness."

"What do you mean?"

"If something happened to him..."

"It would be as if, it happened to you."

She nods, getting up from her seat.

"Where are you going?"

"To kill someone," she answers.

"Sit down," he demands.

She sinks into her seat. A million thoughts rush through her head. She feels her blood pressure rise, and her heart beat increase. Her cheeks become flush, and her nostrils begin to flare. She cracks her knuckles.

"Cool down," Korsak warns.

"I can't. You don't understand."

"Jane, whatever it is, you can work it out."

"No."

"She's in the hospital right now."

"Is she still unconscious?"

"Your mom called a little while ago, she woke up. She asked where you were."

"I can take anything, but not this," Jane tells him.

"Whatever she did to you, you have to let it go."

"You don't understand. I can't let it go."

"You have to, for now."

* * *

Angela's previous statement finally sinks in. She swallows hard, afraid to think about the possibilities. Angela picks up on the look of panic on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"The airbags deployed," Maura says, flatly.

"That is what they are supposed to do," Angela reminds her.

"But..."

"Maura everything is fine."

"No, you don't know that. There could be a lot of complications, other than my head injury. Maybe this is my punishment. I..."

Angela cuts her off, "You're not being punished. Maura everything is fine."

"You don't know that," Maura argues.

"Yes," she reassures her, "I do."

"How?"

"I spoke to Constance. She is in Geneva. She couldn't make it."

"I didn't expect her to," Maura answers.

"So, I lied. I told them that I was your mother."

"Why?"

"Someone had to made decisions. I know I crossed a line, but someone had to take care of you."

"It's ok."

"Maura everything is ok. Everyone is ok."

"But..."

Angela reaches into her purse. She pulls out a photograph, and she hands it to Maura. "See."

"When is this from?"

"This morning."


	23. Ultimate Betrayal

After work, Jane heads over to the hospital. Frankie takes the opportunity to take Angela home. It leaves Jane, and Maura alone.

"I get to go home, tomorrow," Maura tells her.

"Who is going to stay with you?"

"Your mother."

"Oh."

"You look angry."

"I know that you have a head injury," Jane begins.

"Whatever you have to say, just say it."

She swallows hard, "There are a lot of things, that you can do, that I could forgive you for. There are a lot of choices you could make. But, there are some things, that I just can't forgive. There are some betrayals, that..." she blinks away tears, "I won't be able to get over."

"What are you talking about?"

"You slept with Tommy. You had a relationship, with Frankie. You slept with him, too. You slept with both of my brothers. You are pregnant, and one of them could be the father. I can almost forgive you, for that. I can almost forgive you, for putting them through hell. Eventually, I think that it is something, that I would have gotten over."

"I'm sorry."

"Maura, apologizing, isn't enough. Not, this time."

"What more do you want, from me?"

"The truth," Jane implores.

"About what?"

"Who the third person is."

"Jane, I told you, it doesn't matter."

"You lied. Right now, you are looking me in the eye, and lying. It does matter. It makes every difference. You lied, when you told me that it wasn't someone I knew. Why?"

"Jane I don't want to hurt you."

"It's a little bit late, now, don't you think?"

"I don't know what to say."

"There are some pieces, that you just can't put back together, Maura."

"I know."

"You," she swallows hard, keeping eye contact with Maura, "slept with my partner, didn't you?"

Maura gasps. Tears, soon follow. She begins to blubber, before she can say anything. Finally she is able to get out, "I'm so sorry."

"The people that I care about the most? You slept with both of my brothers? And, you slept with my partner? He is my partner. Maura, this is a mess. Any of the three of them could be the father. How many of them know?"

"Just Frankie," she admits.

"You better pray that it is him, and that the other two never find out. Do you have any idea, what it would do to them? Did you think about what would happen, if they all knew? You would be pitting them against each other. They would hate you, and each other. It's not fair to do that to them."

"I..."

"Of all of the people in the world? Those are the three you chose?"

"I made a mistake."

"No, you made three."

"Jane, why does it bother you more, that I slept with Frost?"

"He is my partner, not yours."

"He doesn't belong to you. Why are you so possessive of him?"

"Yes he does. He is my partner."

"You rejected him. You broke his heart."

* * *

_She's sitting at booth, at The Dirty Robber. He walks in. He notices her, sitting alone. He slides in the booth, across the table, from her. He picks up, on her facial expression._

_"You ok?" he asks._

_She looks up, from her drink, "No."_

_He motions for the waitress. She watches him, as she drinks. He looks as if he's been defeated. _

_"Frost, are you ok?"_

_"Not really."_

_"You were pretty quiet, at work, today," she adds._

_"I had a rough night," he admits._

_"What happened?" _

_"I don't really want to talk about it, you?"_

_"Nope."_

_The waitress brings him, a drink. By drink four, he's ready to talk._

_"What sorrows are you trying to drown?" Maura queries._

_"Have you ever poured your heart out to someone, and been shot down?"_

_"Sure," she nods._

_"I know that it crosses a line, because of who she is, but... I can't help it."_

_She raises an eyebrow, "Who? What are you talking about?"_

_"Last night, I told Jane the truth."_

_"About what?"_

_"That I have feelings for her."_

_"It's about time," Maura replies._

_"I told her that I love her."_

_"Oh. How did that go?"_

_"Not well. She reacted, really badly."_

_"What did you expect?"_

_He shrugs, "I don't know."_

_"You look like you're crushed."_

_"Maura she's the one."_

_"Maybe, she's not."_

_He shakes his head, "I just don't know what to do. Now things are awkward."_

_"I would like to help, but I think I should get home."_

_"I should probably go, too."_

* * *

Jane looks at her, questioningly.

"So how did he end up, at your house?"

"Does it matter?"


	24. Answers

"Yes, it matters."

_"What is one more round?" Barry questions._

_"Who's buying?" she teases._

_"Me," he smiles._

_"Fine," she agrees._

_Three rounds later, they've both reached their limits. He pulls out his keys._

_"You're not driving," she warns him._

_"Are you?"_

_"We can take cabs."_

_"Fine."_

_"I should probably go home with you, to make sure that you make it there, in one piece."_

_"What are you trying to say, Dr. Isles?"_

_"You're drunk."_

_"So are you," he accuses. _

_They reach his place. _

_"Aren't you coming in? You've never been to my place. I'll show you around," he insists._

_"Fine," she huffs. She follows him into the apartment. She closes the door, behind herself. She looks around the apartment._

_"You've got a nice place, here," she comments. _

_He takes off his coat. "Take off your coat, and stay a while."_

_"I should get going."_

_He approaches her. He touches the sleeve of her coat. "Come on, give it to me. You can stay, and watch the game with me."_

_"No," she shakes her head. _

_He smiles at her. "Ok, then go."_

_He stands close to her. She can smell the alcohol on his breath. She looks into his eyes, and all she sees is hurt. She reaches out, for a hug. _

* * *

Jane shakes her head.

"So, you expect me to believe that you went in for a hug, and came out with a bun in your oven?"

"It wasn't like that."

"You hugged him, and he jumped you?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Then what?"

"He wasn't the one who initiated it."

Jane gets up, out of her seat. She heads for the door.

"Where are you going?" Maura questions.

"Have a nice life, Maura." she walks through the door.

Before Jane can leave the room the doctor sees her. He motions for her. Jane walks over to the nurse's station, where he is standing.

"You're Jane?"

"Yes," she nods in confirmation.

"Angela was saying that you guys have noticed behavioral changes in Dr. Isles recently."

"I guess that you could say that."

"I wanted to let you know that there is a reason for the behavioral changes."

"What reason?"

"We did some diagnostic studies, after her car accident," he explains.

"Of course."

"We founds that she had a head injury."

"From the car accident," Jane points out.

"She re-injured the area when she had the car accident."

"What are you talking about?"

"At some point in the past few months she's suffered from a concussion. Usually any behavior related to that disappears after a few days. In her case, however she suffered from post-concussive syndrome. It caused her to act differently than she normally would."

"That explains a lot."

"You seem angry at her."

"It's going to take me some time go get over that," she admits.

* * *

She leaves the hospital. She finds herself sitting at her usual booth, at the Dirty robber. She sits at the booth, in silence. Frost walks in the room, and makes his way towards her. He slides into the booth, across from her.

"What are you doing here?" she asks.

"I thought that I might find you here," he admits.

"I don't need company," she growls.

"What are you drinking?" he looks at her glass.

"Water," she answers.

"Why?"

She tires to change the subject, "Why are you here?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"About what?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Maura."

"I don't want to talk about Maura. I don't even want to hear that name."

"Jane she is your best friend."

"Not anymore."

"What the hell happened?"

"You know what happened," Jane answers.

He shakes his head, "No, I don't."

"You slept with my best friend."

He furrows his brow, "No I didn't."

"According to her you did."

"That isn't what happened."

"Then tell me your side of the story."

"There is no side of the story. We were here. We both had a few drinks. She was drunker than I have seen her before. I wanted to make sure that she was ok. She came home with me."

"And you screwed her," Jane finishes.

He shakes his head, "No. She came on to me," he begins.

"That doesn't make it ok."

"Stop interrupting me. Let me finish," he insists.

"Fine," she exhales, in irritation.

"She tried to kiss me. I pushed her away. She passed out on my couch, before anything could happen. I was afraid that she would roll of the couch, so I carried her to my bed."

"Then why does she think the two of you had sex?"

"She peeled half of her clothes off some time during the night. I don't know what was going on with her, but she wasn't herself."

"She had post-concussive syndrome according to her doctor."

"See, there is an explanation."

"Frost how do I know that you are telling me the truth?"

"I am your partner. Have I ever lied to you?"

"Not that I am aware of," she admits.

"And I value our partnership way too much to ever cross that sort of line. I know that Maura is your best friend. I would never put her in that position. I would never disrespect you like that."


	25. Consequences

"Jane can I ask you something?"

She nods, in agreement.

"Why did you get so angry at Maura for what you thought that she did?"

"I thought she violated my trust."

"Why does it matter?"

"You're my partner," she points out.

"But you don't want me, so it should be a non-issue. I am not saying that it would have been alright, but I just want to know why you got so angry."

She purses her lips, and thinks for a moment, before she answers, "Maybe because I don't want anyone else to have you, either."

He furrows his brow, "What is that supposed to mean? You don't want me, but no one else can have me, either? Come on."

"You know what, never mind."

"Jane what is your problem, lately?"

"You."

"Me?'

"And Maura. My best friend slept with both of my brothers. My best friend completely obliterated my trust in one foul swoop."

"This isn't really about her, is it?"

"I just said that it was," she insists.

"Why are you lying to me? Why don't you try telling me what is really going on with you?"

"Because you don't want to know," she insists.

"You are my partner, of course I want to know."

"Frost this isn't the place to discuss this."

"Where is the place?"

"Not here," she insists.

"You should talk to Maura, don't you think?"

"About what?"

"Tell her that we didn't sleep together."

"I think I should let her wallow in her guilt a little bit longer."

"Why are you being so mean to her?"

"I don't know," she admits.

"Go tell her the truth. I can wait."

* * *

Jane finds that Maura has been released from the hospital. She finds her at her house, lying on the couch. Jane takes a seat on the arm of the couch. Maura mutes the TV, and sits up to look at her.

"What are you doing here? I didn't think that you were speaking to me."

"I wasn't."

"I didn't think you were going to speak to me again."

"I wasn't."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because we're all human, and we make mistakes."

"You make mistakes? This is the first time that I am hearing you admit this," Maura responds, cruelly.

"Everyone makes mistakes, even me."

"Jane why are you here? I am not feeling well enough to deal with your mood."

"I came to tell you something."

"What is that?"

"Did your doctor tell you that you have post-concussive syndrome?"

"Yes, but it doesn't really excuse my behaviors."

"He let you come home?"

"He said I couldn't be alone. Your mother is just doing laundry, don't worry she didn't leave me alone."

"Good."

"Jane he told me that, so why are you here? When I saw you earlier you hated my guts."

"I still do, a little bit."

"What changed?"

"I talked to Frost."

"Oh. I can't imagine how that would make you hate me less."

"Because you may have post-concussive syndrome, but he doesn't. He is still in control of himself."

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't sleep with him."

"But..."

"He said you he carried you into his bed."

"And he took my clothes off?"

"Maura you were drunk. You took your own clothes off."

"Oh."

"But he didn't sleep with you."

"It still doesn't make what I did ok."

"No."

"But you're talking to me."

"I still haven't forgiven you," Jane clarifies.

"I understand that will take time."

"A long time."

"Not to change the subject, or anything, but what about Casey?"

"We already had this discussion, or did you forget?"

"I didn't."

"Then why are you asking?"

"What you told him, was it the truth, or not?"

"I told you that it was."

"You haven't mentioned it since. Why is that?"

"Because I don't want to talk about it."

* * *

She tosses and turns in her bed that night. She stares out her window, at the moon. She is too consumed in thought to sleep. She wonders if she is ever going to be able to forgive Maura. She questions whether or not she is ever going to forgive herself. She can't help but wonder if she is ever going to be able to share her secret.

She rolls onto her back, and looks at the ceiling. As the thoughts roam around her head, she reaches for her phone. She begins to dial a familiar number, but when she notices the time she decides she shouldn't. And, also, she's too chicken to say anything just yet, or truthfully to say anything at all.


	26. Suspicions

She is in the bathroom when the door to her apartment opens unexpectedly. She has just finished walking the dog, and forgot to lock the door. She wonders who is in her apartment. She finds herself wondering where she left her gun. She knows that she can't reach it, as she is in a compromising position, with her head in the bowl of her toilet. Luckily the door to the bathroom is closed. She hopes that will stop whoever is intruding into her home. It doesn't. There is a knock on the door. She is unable to answer as she retches into the toilet.

"Jane, are you in there?" a voice questions.

She continues to vomit.

"You were supposed to meet me at a crime scene twenty minutes ago. You didn't answer your cell. Are you ok."

She tries to answer, but rockets towards the toilet before she has the chance.

"I hope you're decent, I'm coming in."

She wipes her mouth with a washcloth, and pushes her foot against the door, as she sits on the floor. He tries to open the door.

"I'll be out in a minute," she manages to get out, before she leans towards the toilet again. Finally after emptying the contents of her stomach for what seems like the past three days she is able to get off the floor. She moves towards the sink, turning on the faucet. She washes her face, and brushes her teeth. She swishes with scope, and thoroughly flosses. After a quick glance at herself in the mirror she pulls the door open. Her partner stares at her with a look of concern.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, let's go," she moves towards the door.

"Whoa," he steps in front of her.

"What?"

"You're never late, what is going on?"

"Nothing," she lies.

"Nothing?"

"Food poisoning. I will survive."

"Maybe you should stay home," he suggests.

"Maybe you should get in the car so we can go."

"Ok," he follows her out of the apartment.

She climbs into the car with him. She slams the passenger door closed, "And, maybe you shouldn't wear that cologne."

"What is wrong with my cologne?"

"Nothing, it is just really strong."

"I didn't know that it bothered you. You should have said so before."

"Let's just go," she insists impatiently.

* * *

Later on they're at the precinct. He looks over at Jane, who sits silently at her desk. She works as his stomach growls. He vacates his seat, and moves towards her.

"I am going to go to the cafe to grab some lunch, do you want anything?"

"No, I'm fine," she insists.

"Are you sure?"

"I am certain," she tells him.

"Ok," he nods, leaving the room.

He finds himself in line for the next ten minutes. He finally reaches the front. He is the last person in line, most of the other people have left the cafe, and taken their lunches back to their desks. Angela waits behind the counter for him to order. He orders, and she quickly gets his food ready. She looks at him questioningly as he hands her his money.

"Where is Jane?"

"She said she wasn't hungry," he tells her.

"Since when?"

He shrugs, "I don't know. Hey do you think that my cologne is too strong?"

She takes a whiff, "No, it smells lovely. It isn't too strong at all. Why do you ask?"

"Jane said that it was."

"What does she know."

"She's acting weird lately. Have you noticed?"

"Jane? I am her mother, and I know I shouldn't be saying this, but Jane is a little weird."

"I hope she gets over whatever she has, soon. She is in the worst mood today."

Angela furrows her brow, "Whatever she has? What are you talking about?"

"She said she had food poisoning. I don't know. She seems fine now."

"Will you tell her that I want to talk to her?"

"Sure," he nods.

When he returns to the squad room he relays the message to Jane. She completely ignores him. She hopes to avoid her mother, completely.

* * *

When she reaches her apartment that night her mother is waiting on the steps for her.

"Ma, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," she admits as they enter the building.

"About what?" Jane cocks an eyebrow.

"Have you been feeling alright?"

"Fine, why?"

"Hm, very interesting," Angela remarks as they step into Jane's apartment.

Jane closes the door behind them, "What is with the third degree?"

"I had an interesting conversation with your partner today."

"About what?"

"He said you told him his cologne was too strong."

"It is."

"I think it smells nice."

"You came over here to tell me that my partner's cologne smells nice? Ma come on."

Angela shakes her head, "No that isn't why I came over here."

"So what are you doing here?"

"I am worried about you."

"Not this again. Ma, I promise you, I am fine."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why?"

"How is the morning sickness?"

"What?!"

"Jane, Frost told me the thing about the cologne."

"Where is the connection between the two?"

"He said that you had food poisoning, but you seem fine now."

"So. It was probably a twenty four hour bug."

"Jane, are you pregnant?"

"Why would you think that?"

"I just told you why I think that."

"You know that I don't want kids."

"That doesn't mean that accidents don't happen. I mean that is how your brother got here."

"I don't want to know about how Tommy got here."

"Not Tommy, Frankie."

"Whatever."

"Jane look at me, when I am talking to you. Are you pregnant?"


	27. Disappointment

"Don't you think that if I was I would tell you?"

Angela stops to ponder this a moment, before answering, "No."

"No? Of course I would."

"A, you never tell me anything."

Jane cuts her off, "And, B, I'm not pregnant."

Angela shakes her head, "And B, you're not married, or in a committed relationship."

"Tommy has a kid," Jane points out.

"Tommy has always been..." she pauses trying to think of the correct term.

"The black sheep of the family?" Jane supplies.

"We aren't here to talk about your brother. We're here to talk about you."

"I don't want to talk."

"Jane just tell me the truth. Are you pregnant?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she argues.

"Is that a yes?"

"Ma, there are some things I just don't want to discuss with you."

"Like being pregnant out of wedlock?"

"Please don't do this. I can't..." she trails off.

Angela notices the far off look in her daughter's eyes.

"Jane how long were you planning on keeping this a secret?"

"Ma, please just drop it."

"How far along are you?" Angela continues to probe.

"How far along is Maura now?"

"Fifteen weeks, I guess. Why does it matter?"

"I can't do this. I can't have this conversation with you. I am not like Maura."

"What do you mean you're not like Maura?"

"I don't want a kid. I never wanted kids."

"Jane how long have you been hiding this?"

"Ma I can't have this conversation right now. I think that you should go. I'm just not ready to talk about this."

"Jane I'm not going anywhere until you tell me the truth."

"Why does it matter? You have already jumped to the conclusion that I am. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I have a deadly disease that I don't want to tell you about."

"Do you have a deadly disease?"

"For once in my life can you just do what I ask of you, and not try to smother me? I just need you to drop this for now. I need you to take a step back. I need for you to learn to respect my privacy. I know that it kills you to do that, but that is what I need. I am asking you nicely."

"Jane how can I do that? I am worried about you."

"I will be fine. You don't have to worry about me."

"You don't have to be so tough all the time. You are not invincible. It is ok to be scared."

"Ma, just go," she points to the door, raising her voice.

Angela folds her arms across her chest. "I am not going anywhere."

"Why not?"

"I'm your mother."

"Why can't you ever respect my privacy? Why can't you ever just leave things alone?"

"Because I'm your mother, and I'm worried about you."

"Don't be," Jane tells her.

"Just tell me the truth, please," Angela begs.

"You don't want to know the truth. I am trying to protect you from the truth."

"I can handle it."

"No," Jane shakes her head, "You can't."

"Jane stop being so stubborn. Just tell me."

"I can't."

"Jane I am your mother. I should be the first person you tell."

"Maura already knows," Jane admits.

"You told Maura before you told me? I'm your mother."

"There are things that I can't tell you."

"You can tell me anything."

"No, I can't," Jane argues.

"This conversation is getting nowhere fast. Why don't you just tell me the truth? Tell me the truth, and I will leave. Ok?"

"Fine, but I don't think that you can handle it."

"What makes you think that?"

"It is going to make you angry."

"Try me."

Jane breaks eye contact. She swallows hard, and grits her teeth. "I am pregnant."

"I know. Was that so hard to say? Why would you think that you couldn't tell me that?"

"I've known for a while."

"A few days, a few weeks?"

Jane shakes her head, "A few months."

"Jane how far along are you?"

"Fifteen weeks," she admits.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why are you trying to hide it?"

"Maura hasn't told anyone at work yet. She is still hiding it."

"She is going to announce it next week after her doctor's appointment. She is supposed to be finding out what she is having. She said that she wanted to wait for the results of her amniocentesis to come back, too. She just wants to make sure that everything is ok."

"I understand that."

"What is your excuse?"

Jane shrugs, "I am a cop. I am a female detective among a sea of men. If I tell anyone I get to ride a desk. I am not ready to do that."

"You're putting your life, and that baby's life in jeopardy."

"I wear a vest. No one's life is in jeopardy."

"Jane you are being foolish. Why would you hide this from me?"

"Because you ask too many questions. You can't ever leave well enough alone."

"I am your mother you should have told me."

"Why? I didn't want you to lecture me. I'm unmarried, unstable, and I never wanted this."

"You're miserable," Angela realizes.

"Yeah."

"Jane this is a gift, whether you want to see it, or not."

"I am sick all of the time. I don't see how it is a gift."

Angela studies Jane, carefully. She furrows her brow. "Have you gained any weight?"

"No," she shakes her head, "I can't keep anything down."

"What has your doctor said? Have you even been to the doctor?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"And?"

"If I haven't gained any weight by my next appointment I am going to have to be hospitalized to have IV hydration."

"I don't understand why you are so sick. You shouldn't still be having morning sickness. Isn't there a pill that you can take, or something?"

"Yeah."

"It doesn't help?"

"I won't take it."


	28. On Daytime Television

"Why not?"

"Because I won't take anything."

"Jane you shouldn't be miserable."

"It wouldn't matter."

"Who is the father?"

"A sperm donor," she replies, quickly.

"A sperm donor? You just got finished telling me that you don't want this. How am I supposed to believe that?"

"You don't have to believe anything, but I am not going to tell you."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Ma, I am exhausted, and my patience is wearing thin. Can we continue this conversation some other time?"

"Fine," she nods.

* * *

When Maura comes downstairs, later that evening she finds Angela in her kitchen. She sits at the island, in the center of the kitchen, on a stool. She stares at the bottle of wine in front of her. Maura takes a seat on a stool, next to her.

"Since when do you drink wine?" Maura cocks an eyebrow.

"Since my daughter is pregnant, and she didn't tell me."

"Oh," is all Maura can manage to get out.

"And, you knew," Angela adds.

"Angela, I'm sorry. She didn't want me to tell you. I promised her that I wouldn't tell anyone."

"I'm her mother," she points out.

"I know."

"She should be able to trust me. She should be able to confide in me."

"Why are you drinking?" Maura questions.

"I have completely alienated her. She feels like she can't tell me about the most important thing that has ever happened to her."

"I think that she's scared."

"And she couldn't even admit that to me. She was so afraid of disappointing me. I can't believe what a fool I've been."

"She just needed time to deal with things on her own."

"Why was she so afraid to tell me?"

"Because it wasn't something that she ever wanted. She is still struggling with it."

"I wish that she had told me."

"If it makes you feel any better I still haven't told my mother."

"You haven't told Constance?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"But you have a strained relationship with her, and she is likely halfway around the world."

"I spoke with her on the phone a few nights ago."

"Why didn't you tell her?"

"I didn't want to disappoint her."

"Why do you think that she would be disappointed?"

"Because I am unmarried, and pregnant. I slept with two brothers, my best friend's brothers, and I don't know which one of them is the father. I don't think that is something you want to brag to your friends about in the yearly Christmas letter."

"Maura everyone makes mistakes."

"Not like this. If she found out it would kill her."

"You have to tell her eventually."

"I don't see why. I rarely see her."

"Because she is your mother. She deserves to know her grandchild."

"The one I am having out of wedlock? Angela there are some days I feel like nothing more than white trash. I should be going on Maury."

Angela has nothing to say in response.

"I am having an amniocentesis in order to determine the paternity of my baby."

"I thought that you were having it to test for genetic diseases."

"That, too. Mostly I am having it to determine paternity. It shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't have made such unwise decisions. I feel terrible that I am putting everyone through this. I feel like I'm tearing your family apart. Frankie, and Tommy are barely speaking to each other. You, and Jane can barely stand to be in the same room together. All of that is my fault."

Angela shakes her head, "No, it's not. Tommy doesn't even know does he?"

"I never told him, but I am sure that he has figured it out by now."

"He isn't the sharpest tool in the shed," Angela points out.

"I am pretty sure that Frankie is the one who gave him the black eye last week."

"What?"

"They got into an argument. When Frankie confronted Tommy, he realized that I didn't tell him. Tommy was in a state of shock, and Frankie sucker punched him in the face."

Angela laughs.

"What is so funny?"

"You're right it is like an episode of Maury."

"I think," Maura takes the bottle of wine from her, "That you've had enough of this."

"I only had two glasses."

Maura studies the glass in front of Angela. It isn't a wine glass. It is a sixteen ounce glass. She shakes her head at Angela.

"I'm cutting you off."

* * *

Jane lies in bed, in silence that night. She stares up at the ceiling, wondering how everything went so wrong. She pushes the covers down, and places her hand on her abdomen. She thinks about the choices that she's made. She feels angry about what Maura has put her family through.

She feels angry that she is pregnant. This is not something she ever wanted. As she lies there in bed, she still isn't sure that she wants this. She swallows hard, knowing that it is too late to turn back now. She reaches over, for her phone. It rests on the bedside stand. She picks it up, and unlocks the screen. She doesn't dial. She places the phone back on the table, and rolls over. She closes her eyes, praying that sleep will come.

* * *

She falls asleep on the couch. When she wakes up, she finds a dark haired figure standing over her. She sits up, and looks at him.

"Frankie, what are you doing here?"

"You should go to bed," he insists.

"You shouldn't be here. I thought that we both agreed we needed some space."

He kisses her, tenderly, "I don't want any space."

She pushes him away. "Frankie I can't do this. I can't be with you right now."

"I thought that you wanted to be with me."

"I do."

"Then why can't you?"

"I can't put you through this. I don't want to break your heart."

"It's a little late for that."


End file.
